(AP) Orlando - With the Capital One Bowl a week away excitement is brewing among members of the Michigan defense. To a man, every member is giddy about the chance to be in the next Sportscenter touchdown highlight of Tim Tebow, the University of Florida's Heisman winning quarterback, supercomputer, cancer cure, and Republican Presidential frontrunner.
"It'd be an honor," according to Michigan Senior Captain Shawn Crable. "I mean it's Tim [explitive] Tebow! Oops. Sorry `bout that. What I meant was all those missed tackles, helpless flails and personal fouls have led up to this. To get my chance to mistackle the best. I almost can't sleep I'm so excited about this."
At practice, the Michigan defense has looked impressive in their preparation to make Tebow look like the second coming of Christ. The missed tackles and blown assignments in practice are a testament to how seriously the team is taking this challenge. "Lots and lots of arm tackle drills" said Defensive Coordinator Ron English. English also said that anyone seen wrapping up a ball carrier and actually bringing him down was sent to McDonald's for Big Mac reps and a McFlurry. "We've got to act as a unit," he said, "If just one guy goes out there with the actual intent of stopping Tebow, then the whole game plan goes out the window."
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Michigan is rumored to be returning to their base defensive package they debuted against Appalachian State which was so successful at allowing diminutive ASU QB Armanti Edwards throw and run for a combined 5,681 yards in the season opener. The key, according to sources is to combine the worst qualities of a two deep zone with an all out blitz. "That way we can't really defend anything, but it looks like we're being aggressive," said newly deposed Linebacker coach Steve Szabo.
Another key has been hours and hours of film study. "I think we've watched the Oregon tapes 50 or 60 times," said Terrance Taylor. However, the team, to a man, credits Florida State for their preparation. "Oh man, that FSU game was awesome. That's what we're aspiring to. I can only dream of missing that many tackles in a single game," Safety Stevie Brown told the AP. "I mean, I thought I was great blowing every assignment against ASU, but these guys weren't just doing that. FSU was missing assignments, arm tackling dudes, getting' juked. Man. You just see the talent. But to miss that many tackles and get dragged into the endzone that way, that's solid coaching and discipline. That's why they're all first rounders and Bobby Bowden's one of the best coaches in the game."
Michigan was also quick to credit Tennessee's defensive effort in a 59-20 loss to the University of Tebow, er, Florida for laying the foundation for all subsequent defensive failures. Even so, Michigan's players say film study is only part of the equation.
"I've been on the phone every day this week with Ryan [Mundy]," said Michigan safety Jamar Adams. "He's been giving me all kinds of pointers on how to look like you've got someone wrapped up, then let them go in agonizing fashion. You know, hit the ground with your hands after he spins away. I've been working on his technique all month. Because that's what he told me. You've gotta work on it if you're going to be on Tim's highlight reel."
Tebow, who was apparently up to his eyeballs in woman pelt, could not be reached for comment.