Sorry Conquest Chronicles, I had to. God Bless Fox Sports for being low brow enough to run this.

"A late scratch: Jock itch sidelines USC players"

I have my theories about how this happened.

You have to have fun with this:

"Chafed Trojans Sratching Their Heads Over Equipment Problems" or "Trojans Burning After Hands on Practice."

or, of course,

via img.vayatele.com

Please, I beg you, add your own. You know Bruins Nation had a pure joy aneurysm of after seeing this. UPDATE: suspicion confirmed.