An Open Letter in Response to Your Unsolicited Opinions On Michigan Football
by Maize n Brew Dave on Nov 17, 2009 12:41 PM CST
in Michigan Football
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PrintDear Morons,
I have to thank you. Really. I do. You see, over the last three months I'd been worn down to the point of exhaustion. I was done. Despite a 4-0 start that I knew was too good to be true, I became optimistic and vulnerable. So vulnerable in fact that I was willing to believe that a defense comprised of bubble gum, spit, and WD40 might be able to stop the inept offensive attacks of perennial bottom feeders like Indiana, Purdue and Illinois. I paid dearly for this belief.
I didn't want to write anything. What more could I say or write that hadn't been said in the previous weeks? The offense was good, the defense was bad, we lost a close (or not so close) game. I typed that over and over again as the weeks went on. And I got tired of typing it.
I also got tired of explaining over and over again that the defense was not stocked with talent, despite what we wanted to believe. How many different times could you say our starting linebackers never played linebacker until they got to college? It just got to be too repetitive. There was nothing new to write, no new thought to contribute, no outcome worth dissecting. I was done with the football season and ready to let it fade into Bolivian.
And then you opened your mouths. Trying to create something out of nothing. Calling our coach a bitch. Insulting the fanbase. Opining on the inner workings of our athletic department without a clue about what you were talking about. Acting like a malcontent child who got his way for the first time in his life and doesn't know what to do with himself.
You could've stuck to the facts. You could've pointed out the holes in our recruiting. The Defense's inability to guard against the run or the pass. And you could've walked away with a smile on your face, knowing you'd won a game against a team that has repeatedly beat your ass into the ground over the decades, and watched us tear ourselves down. You could've done that.
But you didn't.
You had to keep poking the bear. One more jab. One more snide comment. One last "OMG DICK ROD SUX HUR HUR!" Teh Fall of teh prideful! w00t!
So, thank you. Thank you for reminding me why I chose to attend Michigan over that glorified disco with books that stole your money for six years. Thank you for reminding me just how awesome it is to have guys like Desmond, Woodson, Woodley, Graham, Brady, and so many others wear our uniform. Thank you for reminding me just how much you wish you had our Big Ten Titles (42), All Americans (77), National Championships (11), and national name recognition. Thank you for reminding me that despite the last two seasons, Michigan's won three Big Ten Titles this decade while most of you were picking your nose and lying on your eHarmony applications. Thank you for reminding me why we're better than you.
You see, it's not just the winged helmets or the stadium that could engulf yours while still leaving enough space for Rutgers entire fanbase. It's more than that. It's the knowledge that no matter how bad things get with Rodriguez, they'll get better again, whether he's at the helm or not. We'll get back to recruiting the best players in the country. We'll still fill 108,000+ into our stadium every game. We'll still be the national game of the week while you're on ESPNU. We'll get back to 9, 10, 11, and possibly 12 win seasons again. Consistently. We'll get back kicking your ass all over the Big Ten. It's just a matter of time.
And you know it.
You know, I could've wallowed in self pity for a while and forgotten all of that. But you, you clueless toolbags, you reminded me of all this because you couldn't keep your mouths shut. So bear all your hubris in mind when you're down four touchdowns and the visiting Michigan faithful cheering "The Victors" drown out that circus harpsichord you call your band.
Thanks again.
Sincerely,
The Entire Maize n Brew Staff
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So...
this is probably dedicated to Indiana, Purdue and Illinois fans right? Because I’m sure Ohio State, Penn State, Iowa, Wisconsin, Minnesota and Northwestern will have trouble understanding this when see that Wolverine carcass in their rear view mirrors.
Of the group...
The only one you mentioned that has any room to speak is Ohio State. But you’re right. Convince yourself the “carcass”, as you put it, isn’t moving. Just forget about the fact Michigan holds winning records over every school you mentioned and has dominated play over the course of the last three decades, including most of this one. Convince yourself Michigan will be a MAC program because they’ve had two tough years. That’s fine. Do what you have to do. And seriously, what are Northwestern and Minnesota even doing on the list? We didn’t play them this year.
Maize n Brew
Because Football is Better with Beer
by Maize n Brew Dave on Nov 17, 2009 2:36 PM CST up reply actions
not to mention
That Michigan actually looked like a much better team than they really were last year when they played Minnesota, so what does it say about the Gophers that even in a down year Michigan was able to beat them up.
wait till "the ohio state university" gets waxed at the rose bowl by oregon
that would make 4 straight bcs bowl losses. and there fans would want jim tressel’s head. t. pryor will play so badly in rose bowl that they move him to tight end next year. osu can’t even say they are the best team in ohio anymore. the cincy bearcats are.
yes i am obsessive, obnoxious, in your face and all about covering the spread. those are my good qualities.
by wolfmanshowlforever on Nov 21, 2009 12:48 PM CST up reply actions
It seems that..
.. you’re a bit on thr touchy side this afternoon, Dave.
Hot damn!
Dave drank his coffee today! (and yes, I do sense a bit of Beauford and SCM’s touch here).
E-mailing this to my friends now…
Damn kids kept getting on my lawn...
Maize n Brew
Because Football is Better with Beer
by Maize n Brew Dave on Nov 17, 2009 4:33 PM CST up reply actions
Wow Dave,
Someone vented. For the record, I never called out Michigan. I just called out the fans, coaches, players, and such to lose with some dignity, stop whining, and get back to winning games.
A futile crusade to prevent mass ignorance
HammerAndRails, SBNation's Boilermaker Blog
No disclaimer needed, my friend
This broadside has been welling for a while. Frankly, since Rodriguez arrived on campus and the “hur hur, FAIL” comments started flowing. I’m just tired of the mean spirited and unsolicted advice and opinion on our program that’s been flowing our way for the last few months. Unsupported stuff that’s based in bias rather than rational, factually supported opinion. There were bound to be people caught in the melee that I didn’t intend, but to craft something that danced around and nuanced everything would’ve been a pointless exercise.
T – I’m with you on the “just win games” aspect of all this. For me, and what drove me to this, was the kicking of the dead horse seemingly solely for sport. It’s what has riled me from my slumber. I’m back and I’m angry.
Maize n Brew
Because Football is Better with Beer
by Maize n Brew Dave on Nov 17, 2009 8:00 PM CST via mobile up reply actions
Relax, Dave
“..was the kicking of the dead horse seemingly solely for sport. It’s what has riled me from my slumber. "
I understand that dead-horse kicking will be a new Olympic sport. They’re just getting their licks in.
michigan fans just have to be a little patient with rich rodriguez
he built west virginia into a powerhouse. before him they were not good at all. he will find another pat white. just two more years and you will be kicking osu azz. peace
yes i am obsessive, obnoxious, in your face and all about covering the spread. those are my good qualities.
by wolfmanshowlforever on Nov 21, 2009 12:50 PM CST up reply actions
Michigan Blows
Your Football team is a disgrace, and I hope you choke on the dust that Purdue and MSU leave behind this basketball season.
And you're still Purdue...
Which hey, at least you’ve got women’s hoops I guess.
GO BLUE! http://www.maizenbrew.com/
And men's hoops...
In which Purdue has more Big Ten titles than anybody. Which, according to your tirade is worth something in football, so I have to assume it’s worth something in basketball, too.
[insert prophetic yet obnoxiously haughty and annoying quote here]
Oh I'm sorry...
Did we offend your delicate and highly refined Purdue-fairness sensibilities? Please, go on in tremendous detail about all the national titles your teams have brought home as well, no really, do tell.
GO BLUE! http://www.maizenbrew.com/
No offense
But which national title did you guys ever win on the field? Or with facemasks on your hemets? 11 National Championships, get in line with Pitt’s 9.
Our two might be old, but they are newer than 10 of yours, and we won them on the field fair and square.
Land Grant or bust! Worst 10-2 team ever? Beat Michigan State.
That's a very Penn State way of thinking about it...
Now tell me how your 5 wins are better than our 10…
GO BLUE! http://www.maizenbrew.com/
And you know what
Penn State has played in four 1 versus 2 national championship games.
Michigan has played in zero.
Penn State 14 Miami 10 – 1986, National Champs. You guys don’t have five wins that up to that one.
And that’s a fact.
Land Grant or bust! Worst 10-2 team ever? Beat Michigan State.
http://www.blackshoediaries.com/2009/11/17/1162321/michigan-fan-intervention
We are not normal...WE are Legends...We are PENN STATE!
by hawaiipennstatefan on Nov 17, 2009 10:20 PM CST reply actions
You clearly know very little about class
And even less about grapes.
GO BLUE! http://www.maizenbrew.com/
I sympathize with your exasperation
In the wake of back-to-back National Championship losses I was similarly frustrated with the treatment of Ohio State in the national press. But lashing out is exactly what your tormentors want you to do. Remember, they can’t hurt you unless you let them.
Humility, to that end is a virtue. You’re Michigan, for Goodness Sake. There’s not a person here that really thinks you’re gone forever. Stand tall, and speak softly, and these unfortunate seasons will soon be a thing of the past.
I don’t think you help your case by pulling the dusty, old record books off of the bookshelves. I can’t tell you how many times I want to tell a Florida fan win 150 more games, and 4 more national titles, and then we’ll talk. They’ll respond: what have you done lately?
The answer is underachieve. Albeit, in a much different way than Michigan has.
Anyways, records are prone to manipulation. ESPN recognizes exactly two of those eleven titles, and you’ve only won 1 since the mid-Twentieth century. In the modern era (1950 to present) you’re technically tied with Minnesota for National Championships.
And even they claim 6, but you don’t hear too many of the Golden Gopher faithful pulling rank on LSU…
For what it’s worth, I wrote something nice about you guys today:
Why on Paper Michigan Has a Chance
Good luck Saturday. I really mean that.
The Rivalry, Esq.
The quintessential Big Ten smoking room.
Hahaha
Hey, Army should start beating their chests over the numerous national titles all the way back when too. While we’re at it, I hear Minnesota actually has a couple from that era as well. Let’s not even get to Notre Dame’s numerous titles they still use as support as to why they are still an elite program. Way to go teams of the yesteryear. No matter how low you will continue to sink you will always have the glory days of the past!!! Wooo!!!
Meeeeeechigan
If we are only to allow stats or accomplishments that ESPN (the evil empire) recognizes, then suck on these. This football program is the winingest program in the NATION. Most w’s and highest wining %. But since a sports program is built on its HISTORY, then you must include all acomplishments that have been earned since the beginning of said program. It is not just football at Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeechigan. We are the ONLY womens softball team east of the Mississippi to win the women’s college world series. Don’t forget about the 9 national championships in Hockey. Two nattys for Baseball. One in hoops. Two team and Three individual Golf Championships. Three team and 15 individual Gymnastic Champions. 18 Team and 145 individual Natty Championships. Don’t forget that guy that won 8 gold medals, Micheal Phelps. Michigan is also the only school ever to win an NCAA swimming and diving title under three different coaches — Matt Mann (6), Gus Stager (4) and Jon Urbanchek. One team and Two individual Titles for mens tennis. One team and 89 Individual NCAA Nat. Champions in mens Track and Field. 20 individual wrestling champions. One individual womens cross country national champion. One field hockey national championship. 6 womens gymnastics individual national champions. One national championship in womens rowing. 11 individual womens swimming and diving ncaa championships. 13 individual womens track and field ncaa champions. Don’t forget the 10 football nattys, so unless any YOUR school can boast 355 National Champions, suck it.
and for all of the sparty fans that have decided to create a group of Wolverine fans as “Walmart Wolverines.” You can suck it too. Since when do you have to go to the school in order to be a fan of that school. I hope you sparty fans follow your same rules and no one that claims to be a Sparty fan is a current student or alum of Sparty. Wait I know two Sparty jackasses that have never been to E. Lansing. If that was the case, Meeeeeeeeeechigan would still fill the Big House. Meeeeeeeechigan has the largest alumni association in the WORLD.
Go ahead and continue to kick Meeeeeeeechigan while we are down. That is the only time you get to kick Meeeeeeeeeeeechigan. You know damn well if Meeeeeeeeeeeechigan wasn’t down, you would feel the wrath of the Meeeeeeeeechigan Wolverines.
Hail to the Victors Valient
Hail to the Conquering Heros
Hail, Hail to Meeeeeechigan
The Champions and the Best.
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