Idiocy; Now in Print
With a tip of the cap to mgoblog diarist redwhiteandmgoblue, on with the fisking.
Dave Poe wrote a fanfiction sports column for the News and Sentinel, a paper based out of Parkersburg, WV. It can be viewed here if you're particularly masochistic. The highlights will be dissected here, because it is rampantly stupid.
July is the slowest month of the year for those of us who write sports for a living.
That gives us plenty of time to think about what might happen in the upcoming sports year.
Sometimes, we get a little carried away dreaming up the wildest, craziest sports scenarios imaginable.
I'll let you decide if that's the case with my latest one.
I've mentioned it to a couple people and the reaction I've received has been so strong, I thought I would share it with you.
First, it's pretty obvious to me this is going to be Rich Rodriguez's last season as the head football coach at the University of Michigan.
First, the formatting is not my own, the paper decided that somehow this would come off better as single sentences spaced out over paragraphs. Second, Dave, you can't offer a caveat for what you're about to say - in this case the fact that it's "wild and crazy" then say "it's pretty obvious to me..." This is the same as saying "It's pretty obvious to me that I'm wild and crazy" but not wild and crazy in a good way, but in a "needs medical attention" kind of way. If I were to say "This is a stupid idea...I'm convinced that the sun will explode tomorrow," that would mean that I am a person who has stupid ideas. If I were to run down the street telling people this, they would probably wonder what home I've escaped from, and whether they should call somebody.
But, for play-along sake, I'll bite. Why, Dave, is it pretty obvious that this is going to be Rich Rodriguez's last season? Besides the burning hatred you and your state feel towards him despite all evidence to the contrary?
He's not going to win. He's going to end the season with another lopsided loss to Ohio State, this time in the Big House, where there is no sin like losing to the hated Buckeyes.
Rodriguez's short tenure at Michigan has been a disaster.
The players don't seem to like his style. The alumni hasn't warmed up to him. The administrators who hired him -and who could fire him -were unhappy they were going to have to be deposed in his legal dispute with West Virginia University.
I can get a total of 5 reasons he's offered, none of which stand up to even the slightest bit of scrutiny:
He's not going to win
Based on....what? I mean, I can't sit here and tell you definitely that he is going to win, but then, I'm not the one who needs to prove anything. You can't use speculation as proof.
He's going to lose to Ohio State
Looking at the two teams...probably. Michigan, however, has lost to Ohio State 42 times. They have not had 42 head coaches. If losing to Ohio State was a fireable offense, Carr would have been gone long before his time. I agree, we're all tired of losing to Ohio State, but uh, dude's not getting fired for losing to a team that, on paper at least, is better than his at nearly every position.
The players don't like his style
Former UM / WVA Safety Ryan Mundy: "Be prepared to run. Everything's way more up-tempo. If you're not willing to bust your ass, you should leave. But if you stay, you'll love it."
Defensive End Tim Jamison: "Barwis likes you to be loud in the weight room," says Jamison. "All the time, high energy. He's brought more fun into it. He doesn't want you to be uptight." (Barwis is part of the Rodriguez Style)
Jamison again: "A lot of coaches could call it quits and get ready for next year...But it's not the coaches' fault we mess up on the field. Our backs are against the wall and we have to come out fighting."
Incoming Freshman QB Tate Forcier: "I've always been more of a visual learner so it hasn't been as hard for me, but coach Smith and coach Rodriguez, they did a great job of really explaining it...They made it as easy as they possibly can make it for me. ... Once you do it more and more, it just comes more naturally."
Yep - those sure sound like quotes of players who hate his style, think he's a jerk, and have given up on the coaching staff. I guess the top-10 recruiting class last year all hated his style too.
(more media fisking after the jump....)
The Alumni haven't warmed up to him
Jim Brandstatter, alum of the 1969 team: "If Bo could see these practices, he'd love it...It's eerily similar to the culture shock when Bo took over. They're being physical. They hit. They wear pads every day."
The last I've checked, Michigan isn't exactly hurting for ticket or merchandising sales either.
The Administrators aren't supporting him
Athletic Director Bill Martin: "There's absolutely no question I'm totally supportive of Rich. Was I surprised with the loss last Saturday? Sure I was, no question about it. But I think he's the right man for this program at this time...You always have to, when you're sitting in my seat, look at long term. You can't look at instant gratification."
Sounds like a guy who is just waiting to fire somebody.
These aren't reasons that are supported by any shred of, well, discernable fact. Even those quotes I found - after 5 minutes of googling - aren't the most supportive that I could have used. Dave, apparently, hasn't located the google yet.
Although most coaches get at least three years to prove themselves, I'm convinced Rodriguez is only going to get two.
Baseless speculation based on nothing, especially given that Michigan has had a total 3 head coaches since the 60's. Quick trigger that is not.
That means he once again will be looking for another coaching job (then again, he always seems to be looking for another coaching job, even when he has a good one.)
Ah - a cheap shot revealing your true agenda. And calling "Head Coach West Virginia" a "good" job while Michigan's calling might be stretching. He goes on to write more fanfiction about Marshall - claiming that their head coach will be fired as well - before mercifully putting down the keyboard to return to whatever group activity the home is doing that afternoon. Fingerpainting, I think.
And they say that blogs are the ones writing insidious, incendiary crap. There isn't a shred of objectivity in this entire piece, and it's based on useless speculation and innuendo. I'm not so mad that he wrote an article saying that Rodriguez would be fired - that I can handle. The fact that he wrote it so...stupidly is why I'm mad. There are some examples he could have used to demonstrate why he thought Rodriguez would be fired, but instead he just went to the old Jihad against Rodriguez, which is played, man. So played. To call this article poop would be, in fact, insulting to the poop.
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"Michigan has had a total 3 head coaches since the 60's."
As much as Michigan fans would like to forget . . .

"Do not cheat your team or your teammates. Know your plays. Block. Protect. Add to what we are trying to do."
The Only Colors
by LVS on Jul 13, 2009 3:31 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
That and Bump Elliot was the coach in '68....
Bo took over after the ’68 drubbing and lead the Wolverines to their greatest victory in his first season at the helm.
GO BLUE! http://www.maizenbrew.com/
by SCM on Jul 13, 2009 4:12 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Stupid no edit button...
What I was going to add before I clicked erroneously was that this type of stuff actually had to pass through, you know, an EDITOR right? Unbelievable, and a nice job thoroughly undressing the stupidity in all of its splendor Beauford.
GO BLUE! http://www.maizenbrew.com/
by SCM on Jul 13, 2009 4:17 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Just saying.
Well, it’s 5 coaches since the 60’s and 4 before Rich-Rod. Which is very good. But the thing about football is you get to choose your eras. Since 1979, of course, Iowa has had two coaches (that would be total? no caveat?) though only because one of them turned down the Michigan job.
Anyway, back to asserting Michigan supremecy, I think it’s clear that Rich-Rod has pluses and minuses:
Plus:
a. original thinker, and at a high (football) level.
b. great teacher.
c. likes to win, probably tortures kittens when he loses.
Minus:
a. the spread isolates men in space — so they better be better than the other guys. I don’t know if they will be.
b. Michigan, a rather lordly place, hasn’t had to adapt previously to someone who probably sings Merle Haggard in the shower (this, by the way, is Michigan’s problem, not his).
c. the guy has had a rather colorful private life. (This is his problem.)
I can see Michigan winning a few games this year — maybe 3 or 4, plus the cupcakes, if you want to count them. He’ll keep his job with that kind of year. (I think it will be harder than you think it will be, owing to the problem of teaching a 19 year-old the quadruple option while the most violent college football league (it is) is generally saying, “Blow him up, the punk freshman.”) Unless the colorful private life intrudes. Before you automatically object, refute, dismiss, remember: you’re Michigan, and you’re lordly, and where is Gary Moeller now?
Mr. Boh Knows ...
by Bellanca on Jul 13, 2009 8:20 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Is it not 3 coaches since 1969? Bo-Mo-Carr?
That’s the point I was getting at, but no matter, the point remains.
Like an old man trying to send back soup at a deli.
by Beauford on Jul 14, 2009 6:08 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
c. the guy has had a rather colorful private life. (This is his problem.)
Explain. I’m not sure what you’re getting at here.
Like an old man trying to send back soup at a deli.
by Beauford on Jul 14, 2009 6:13 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
"Since" being the operative word
It’s three if “since the 60s” means “after the 60s,” which Is how I read it. But it can also be used in an inclusive way, as in “since 1969,” meaning “starting in 1969.”
Mo is retired, having last coached under Dick Jauron for two seasons with the Bears. He was let go when Jauron was fired after the 2003 season.
Can’t agree with 2b or 2c.
On 2b, from his official Michigan bio: “… Rodriguez grew up just five miles from the birthplace of U-M legendary coach Fielding Yost …”
On 2c, he’s married with two kids. You’ll need to explain what you mean, as Beauford has already suggested. Surely anything like your innuendo would be well known by now, given the smear campaign against him.
by Rasmus on Jul 14, 2009 8:42 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
What?
A. The spread isolates men in space – so they better be better than the other guys?
Please explain the success of those West Virginia teams that managed to recruit a single digit number of 4 stars in Rodriguez’s tenure there? You don’t think the whole point of his adoption of the offense was to find a way to get an advantage while utilizing lesser talent across the board than his opponents?
GO BLUE! http://www.maizenbrew.com/
by SCM on Jul 14, 2009 9:25 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
I guess I'm annoying people.
Anyway, in regard to his private life, I am not discussing it on the internets. But he’s a fortunate dude indeed with his wife and nuclear family, according to WVU nation. And I don’t expect Mary Sue to be quite as forgiving as the governor of West Virginia.
In regard to SCM’s incredulity, no, I don’t think that the whole point was to win with inferiors. The idea was to win with creativity and superior athletes in the backfield, while gaining numerical advantage v. the defenses by turning the QB into a single wing tailback, and basically just confusing the shit out of people who expect an I formation/pro set. Which he did for a few years. Then, his biggest game, against an NFL DC/HC, and it all went pfffft. You all read Chris Brown, go over there. He makes the valid point: now that the spread is a known commodity, spreading the field with mediocrities who cannot win one-on-one, you are just highlighting your mediocrities, and isolating mediocrity in space. Good luck with that. Sport is about adjustment. I think the adjustments have been made for the run-first option spread.
Before you jump me, I know that Michigan usually has it’s pick of the litter, and that Iowa has maybe 10 guys who would make the two-deep at a Michigan or OSU. (Remember, we still play walk-ons from schools with 200 students. That’s 200 males and females across four grades.) But the spread, as Brown notes, may already have peaked. If you depend on one-on-one advantage, it’s a talent advantage you need, not a scheme-surprise advantage. The scheme itself must evolve again, if it is to surprise and befuddle. Can it? Probably. Will it? Dunno. The QB is going to be a child.
So I am looking forward to that night game in IC. So are Norm, Clayborn, Binns, Edds, Ballard … and Klug, our latest 240 lb hay-throwing tackle. (Angerer will be busy with Minor.) I guess Forcier is perfect, but a true freshman running a complex offense at breakneck speed against the best scoring defense in the Big Ten sounds like a ‘teaching moment’ to me.
It’s your site so I won’t write stuff if it’s annoying. Just send a smoke signal.
Mr. Boh Knows ...
by Bellanca on Jul 14, 2009 5:34 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
"according to WVU nation"
So I guess some of them are willing to smear him seven ways to Sunday all over the Internet and everywhere else when it comes to everything about him as a coach and a West Virginia native, but when it comes to his private life they all respect that and say nothing about it? I don’t think so.
I’m new and I don’t speak for the powers that be here, but I will say that you’re “annoying” only because you used a strong code word — “colorful” can only mean a few things — with no real basis. You didn’t just mean that he was wild back in the day, when he was a player, or before he was married, or whatever — you meant that said behavior now, in Ann Arbor, would affect the team and the university.
I’m looking forward to the Iowa game as well, because it’s the second of back-to-back road games in East Lansing and Iowa City. It’s only at that point that we’ll truly know what this year’s Wolverines are made of. Right now, you probably have a pretty good idea of what to expect from the Hawkeyes this year, right or wrong — but any sane Michigan fan really has no idea. By the Iowa game, we’ll know. Probably before it, but maybe not until after it.
by Rasmus on Jul 14, 2009 7:26 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Not annoying
Good natured ribbing is always accepted. In that vein, I think – as Rasmus pointed out – it’s BS that you’re saying things like “colorful” and then not delivering on the goods. If you’ve got something, spill it. Cheerleader rumor? Money Laundering? He’s Jack Bauer on a rogue mission? Trust me, the rumor you claim to have is not new to the internet.
Also, if you are really inclined to believe that the spread is dead – or has peaked – you might want to take a look at the top 10 programs last year. Nearly all run the spread in some variety – complete with Read Option in Florida’s case.
Like an old man trying to send back soup at a deli.
by Beauford on Jul 14, 2009 8:44 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Far from dead.
The spread, as you say, is far from dead. It’s just not delivering its unfamiliarity arbitrage any longer. I get the impression here that Rich-Rod’s offense is a kind of cold fusion elixir, a wonder drug, a shortcut to success.
Maybe. But, soon we’ll see, Why, even Minnesota is spreading. 55-0, I think it was. Anyway, if Forcier can run the very challenging Rich-Rod O as a true frosh like Pat White did as a senior, then, well, you’ll win 8 or 9. We’ll see. Supposedly, Rich-Rod is a superior teacher, and he’ll need to be. An awful lot of people have seen that Pitt/WVU tape by now.
Mr. Boh Knows ...
by Bellanca on Jul 14, 2009 9:15 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
My guess...
I think, if I were Iowa this year, I’d spend a little more time worrying about the WVU/Oklahoma or the WVU/Georgia tape.
I don’t think anyone is claiming that the Rodriguez offense is a shortcut to success of any kind. What people ARE claiming is that there is a preponderance of evidence to suggest a quarterback who can throw the ball with a modicum of accuracy will improve the offense greatly. Does this equal 8 or 9 wins? Probably not. But it should equal a much much better season than last. 6 wins doubles our success from last season. I know it’s not what Michigan strives for, but hey, it’s a start.
Like an old man trying to send back soup at a deli.
by Beauford on Jul 15, 2009 7:40 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Jed
Markus did a great piece: The Story About an Man Named Jed
The key point being that the original “shotgun zone-read run” play was born from a broken play and a discussion about it between coach and player. So the question that comes to mind when I ask myself if Rich can continue to innovate at Michigan is “Does he still listen to his players?”
Easier said than done. Rodriguez has had a measure of success, and this is a very different environment. He’s older now. But at least the track record is there — once the offense starts executing properly, then adjustments like the one with Jed Drenning can happen. Maybe nothing quite so grand as the SZRR, but enough to keep opponents just a little off balance every now and then.
by Rasmus on Jul 15, 2009 7:55 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs
On that column
The idea that U-M could fire Rodriguez after another disastrous season seems to be based on a perception that the high-and-mighty U-M will be unable to cope with losing.
It makes sense to Ohio State fans because that’s probably what they’d do if they were in our shoes. But for a WVU homer like this guy, it’s something else — the fear that Rich is going to be successful at Michigan. They want him to fail, they need him to fail. They don’t see the forest for the trees — they don’t see that having a West Virginian transform the “lordly” (to quote the Iowa fan above) U-M program, just like Yost did in another era, is something to be proud of. I get that losing to Pitt in 2007 really hurt, and I’ll admit that Rich may have been a little distracted by the news (two weeks earlier) that the Michigan job was opening up. But last I checked, the players still play the games, and you had lost earlier to a pretty mediocre South Florida team (4-3 in the Big East). Oh, and we’re really sorry about that 130-0 whipping Yost gave you in 1904. Anyhow, get over it and stop trying to convince yourself that they guy you were so proud of for so long was unworthy.
by Rasmus on Jul 15, 2009 4:23 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

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