Rescue the Queen

What's that you say?  Mmmmm, I get it.  You're board at work.  You just sit behind that computer day in and day out, wondering what realms lie beyond the watercooler?  What fair maidens may exist behind that firewall?  No?  No, probably not.  You're probably content to just sit there, wondering.  Waiting.  Wasting away, shuffling ever closer to the end of this coil we all seem to cling to so tightly.  You probably wouldn't be interested in what I have to offer you then.  What's that?  Oh, I know.  If it weren't for that boss of yours...well...you know, you can enter a world not like this.  One where you're your own boss.  Enter a world filled with adventures and, dare I say, beautiful women.  Yes, you can even play unnoticeably on your browser.  How's that for sticking it to that foul beast of a boss? 

Oh...oh I see.  You want to know more about the Queen.  They all do.  She does indeed need rescuing.  Rescuing from a foul pit of a city, guarded by some of the most unintelligent creatures ever seen.  Oh she sits in her fortress of Scarlet and Gray, just waiting for the right person, nay, the right HERO to come to her defense.  Could that hero be you? 

Well I am that queen, and I'm begging you, please come rescue me from my ill-bred captors.  I will most certainly make it worth your while.  Oh...you'd like to see pictures?  Well, as a part of the most annoying advertising scheme every concocted by mankind, I can provide you with those.  Here is a teaser...

mmmm....yes, I know you like that.  The steel of my sunglasses.  The come hither subservience.  Come, my Lord, play.  You want another shot?  

Wait...where are you going?  Come back!  Bah...it's no matter.  Tressel-Queen has what you want.  You'll come back.  You always do.  Whoops, practice started an hour ago.