Vote Maize n Brew: Loving America, Michigan Football and Awesome 80's Metal Since 2006
by Maize n Brew Dave on Jan 29, 2010 1:15 PM CST
in Michigan Football
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Print80s Metal Sucks? SUCKS!? Oh, it's on mfer.
We here at Maize n Brew love America with the power of a thousand Stanzis. That's right, the "Stanzi" is now the official unit of measurement for how much you love America. Just below our love of country is our love for the University of Michigan Football team and Michigan Stadium. America and Michigan Football, things that go together like bacon and more bacon. But something is troubling America, Michigan Football and Michigan Stadium. And that is why we are here before you today.
All of you are aware of the current state of the piped in music played at Michigan Stadium. It's a crisis of Biblical proportions that threatens to tear our Union asunder, and a crisis that can be ignored no longer. With this in mind, we at Maize n Brew recently proposed some modest changes to Michigan Stadium's playlist to help bring Michigan Stadium and Michigan Football into the 21st Century and help guide it on a path to righteousness.
Though we might prefer a more traditional form of musical entertainment at our Michigan Football games, piped in music is here to stay. Just like global warming, illegal immigrants, and American Idol. We can turn a blind eye, praying the issue will resolve itself (look a polar bear in Miami!). Or, like true Americans, we can be proactive and work toward a solution. That is what we have done. Offer a solution.
Our opponents, instead of offering solutions, have gone negative. Attempting to tear us down rather than build up America and Michigan Stadium. Not only that, they are trying to tear down 80s metal. What is more American than sex, drugs, chicks and rock n' roll? Nothing. It's impossible to be more American than that. You think Ricky Stanzi has Coldplay on his iPod? Hell No! J. Leman? Hell No! They have ROK music made and recorded here in the good ole U S of A. And when great American patriots like Leman and Stanzi listen to 80s metal, shouldn't you?
What is the alternative? Stay with the status quo? Crappy music that makes us cringe in our seats? A Band in the corner no one can hear? No. Our opponents say "lets go back." Back in time. Back to the past. Back to tradition. Now we don't want to go negative here, but you know where tradition got us?
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We're just saying.
(more insanity after the jump....)
We love the tradition of the Michigan Marching Band with a fervor slightly less than America and Michigan Football, but no solution has been found to harness their full potential. So, like biodiesel, the Nintendo Wii and Hayden Panettiere's hotness, that potential will remain untapped until the powers that be determine how best to use them. We must work with what we can change. We can change the piped in music. We can make it better. Yes. We. Can!
Our opponents offer nothing to Michigan Stadium, ney, our Nation's great predicament. They insult you, you amazing Americans who built the Camaro, the Mustang, the F150 and so many other outstanding American automobiles just outside of Ann Arbor. Assembled with your American hands while listening to awesome American ROK music. Did the builders of the Corvette weld it together with all that pelvis thrusting power to have some fool play Lifehouse in it? Hell No! America was built on awesome metal music.
What dose our opponent offer? IInsults
"At Michigan Stadium you have a vast variety of Michigan fans, students, and alums ranging from 18 to 80. Maybe 5% of them grew up driving a Camaro and rocking a rat-tail."
No, sir. We grew up in America. Not New Jersey. (Though many fine Michigan alums hail from the corruption state, including some fine-ass women. You know who you are. Seriously, weren't those Jersey girls some of the hawtest chicks in your freshman orientation group? Yeah. You feel me.). We grew up in Chicago, Traverse City, Bloomfield, Milwaukee, Detroit, and all over this great country of ours in the 80's and 90's. There was no rat tail. There were jeans and hard work. And that hard work made us who we are Americans who are Michigan and 80's Metal fans. And it just so happens that those of us from that time frame are buying season tickets and becoming those big donors Michigan loves so much. So, yeah, we're slightly more than your 5% figure. We're everywhere and everything. Love of Country, Michigan, and awesome Metal needs no Camaro or rat tail. Just a sense of Stanzi.
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Hell No!
We at Maize n Brew respect that there will be a difference of opinion as to proper music to pipe in. While our preference is awesome 80's metal, we will happily welcome rap and hip hop into the fold. While our opponent ignores this suggestion in his critique, we stand firm. Most of our players likely prefer Rap and Hip Hop to our beloved metal, so we will gladly differ to their playlists. Why? Because it is American to support those who toil for the benefit of many. Make it jump. Make it bounce. Superman that ho. Or whatever the kids are saying these days. Make the Big House your house.
So, when you see David Brandon, tell him you want awesomeness piped through the PA system instead of more of the same. Tell him that if Michigan won't find a way to get the Michigan Marching Band to the whole stadium, then Michigan Stadium needs to play better music. The music of the people.
Do it. Do it for Michigan. Do it for America!
We are Maize n Brew and we approve this message.
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No sir!
Dave, you know I respect you. Your blogging is always on-point, eloquent and directed at the heart of the issue. In sum, you are an esteemed man. But with all due respect, I must beg to differ with your position on the topic at hand.
First of all, in these troubled economic times, why should our beloved program have to shell out cash for royalties to anyone when there are 100+ perfectly good free laborers already in uniform, instruments in hand (instruments they have purchased themselves)? That reminds me of governers who won´t accept stimulus money for the sake of making cheap political points. Besides, none of the bands you list need any more money except for Quiet Riot, (but seeing as Kevin DuBrow passed away a mere two years ago, please let him rest in peace and not drag his corpse into this fiery debate). We are getting something for nothing, and after all, what´s more American than that?
You claim to stand up for America, but what kind of blue-blood lists Judas Priest, Motörhead, and AC/DC in his summation of read Rock N Roll? None of these bands are exactly from the heartland, unless we somehow annexed Sydney and I missed it.
Also, Metallica is from San Francisco and I think we can all agree that that ain´t ´merica neither!
My good sir, you claim to love your country, but here in America, we believe we can constantly improve, evolving along with our talents for the better. That´s why we have things like microwave ovens, breath strips and youporn. Music can evolve, too. It´s 2010! A little Wolf Parade or Tapes N Tapes never hurt anybody! Let´s bring on some real rawk. Something with an edge!
All that said, I must agree with you that Ain´t No Mountain High Enough has no place in a football match. (See what I did there? Forgive me, I live in Argentina.) The only acceptable Marvin Gaye tunes are “Chained” or “A Funky Space Reincarnation” (if it´s halftime).
Thank you for listening. I yield the remainder of my time to the distinguished gentleman from Illinois.
Good post
This is the best suggestion I have had yet, and actually mirrors my feelings. So you know where I’m coming from, I’m 57 years old and a musician who is into classic rock, blues, Southern Rock, and what is now called “Americana.”
My reasoning is that if the NCAA uses the excuse that the games are “about the student-athlete and the student body” as an excuse to not have a playoff, then they should put their collective money where their collective mouth is. Make it about the students. Musically, that would consist of Rap, Hip-hop, and Indie Rock, if I am “reading” the current generation correctly. If college students are still listening to death metal or what used to be called “alt,” then pipe that in, too.
Let’s make the games “all about the students” as the NCAA is so fond of pontificating. The only other thing they need to do is to put the students between the forty yard-lines instead of cramming them in a corner of the end zone. Then, it really will be “all about the students.”
After all, they ARE paying the freight with their tuition dollars.
If it has to exist, I definitely agree it needs to be improved
I’ll ignore the earlier comment about San Fran and just assume that it is meant saracastically and not hillbilly.
My reqs for piped in music:
-additive rather than trying to do a completely separate/new thing
-inclusionary, rather than exclusionary of people and genres
-it is done intelligently with some term toward establishing a long term pattern that enhances the game day experience
Let me start by saying that I grew up an M fan going to every home game with my Dad. My parents met there, I went there, as did my sister and brother. Every Saturday for me from as early as I can remember was get up early, get to Ann Arbor, eat at Zing’s/Blimpy’s or tailgate, watch the game, during blow-outs play football on the grass outside the stadium with freinds or work your way down behind the bench for player autographs ala Rick Leach (yes, I’m old), Harlan Huckleby, etc. and so on. After the game we would meet freinds at various after-parties at my Dad’s fraternity or that of one of his friends. I know Michigan Game Day. I have lived all over the world and attended all kinds of sporting events; Boca v. River plate in Buenos Aires, Real Madrid v. Barcelona FC (100 year anniversary), Man U v. Arsenal and Horse Race at Ascot UK, Wimbledon, polo in Buenos Aires and a host of professional football/basketball/hockey games in the U.S. None of which comes close to Ann Arbor Game Day in my view. I actually don’t go to pro sports events in the U.S. any more precisely b/c I hate all the piped in guitar riffs, cooky, big-headed mascots and t-shrt guns, they are more reminiscent of a monster truck rally or WWF than a sporting event. Some people like that, more power to them.
I live in SF now because I work in high tech, but now that my son is turning 5 I am going to start making a yearly pilgrimage back to AA for at least one game per year just to be able to share that with him the same way i did with my Dad.
Additive: it needs to enhance the current atmosphere, not try to add a whole new dimension. I think it can be integrated to some extent and make some of the things we do better.
Inclusionary: it should involve something for everyone, not try to appeal to any one single group, because in that instance no one will be happy. I think blue-hairs could get behind a single rawk tune, if there was something in it for them from their era and vice versa the students could get into an old favorite if they had something to was a current indie/alt tune.
Intelligent: we all know, no matter what era or genre you are dealing with, some music is better than other music. For instance Metallica I think has a bit more subtsance than Motley Crue (for comparison think ‘Unforgiven’ v. ‘Girls, Girls, Girls’), The Shins more substance than Maroon 5, Mos Def or Talib Kwali more than 50 cent. In short, I just don’t want to hear big label, commercial music like Papa Roach or Pussycat Dolls anywhere near the stadium. We can do better than ‘Sweet Caroline’. Don’t get me wrong, i like Motley Crue and they are great for a Red Wings game, but there is a different mix in M stadium that just aren’t going to appreciate them.
Piped music should become literal
as in, a giant pipe organ should be installed at Michigan Stadium. The opening bars of Bach’s “Toccata and Fugue” would have been an appropriate intro for much of UofM’s past season. Then, right below “Go Blue” and “M Club Supports You”, John Donne’s classic line, “Therefore, send not to know For whom the bell tolls, It tolls for thee.” can be printed on the banner, just to add an extra sense of foreboding to the proceedings. If the athletic department really wanted to go for the gusto, they could add plaques that read “abandon all hope ye who enter” above each gate into the stadium, but that could just be overkill.
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
Michigan Stadium needs something more ROK than 80's hair bands.
If Blue replaced Hail to the Victors with THIS, they’d be back on top of the Big Ten in no time.
Brunettes not fighter jets
Oh, I could see
the sweater-wearing alums from Grosse Pointe and Rochester Hills loving them some Cannibal Corpse…
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Feb 5, 2010 9:38 AM CST up reply actions
Just threw up a little
in my mouth.
This post, even if in jest, reads like a doctoral thesis on why piped in music is the worst thing ever. Please GOD (or David Brandon), do not allow Michigan stadium to get reduced to RAWK. I’ve never considered myself suicidal, but that could push me close to the edge. To think that something I cherish—Michigan football saturdays—could become a painful experience. Do not let it happen.
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