Nothing Slows a TD Catch Like a Brick Wall: All Sorts of Surprises in Store for Illinois Northwestern at Wrigley
by Maize n Brew Dave on Nov 16, 2010 10:37 AM CST
in Michigan Football
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PrintLet me put this gently. Someone is going to die in the east endzone of the All-State Wrigleyville Football Classic. How do I know this? Uhhh... this picture.
Courtsey Dr. Saturday
Oh man. It's going to be awesome. I can see it now, fade to the back of the endzone and then.... fade to black. This just will not end well. The NCAA's insatiable lust for dolla dolla bills y'all has turned our beloved game into arena football. Even so, I'm willing to forgive. Face it folks, one of the most exciting things about football is the injuries. You never know when you're going to see the next Protho, Theisman or this poor schmuck end their careers in a horrifying, gruesome way. Is it any coincidence that All-State Insurance is sponsoring this and making the game of miserable life threatening injuries, more dangerous? No. It's just a coincidence. Move on.
But an endzone wall made out of bricks isn't the only surprise All-State has for fans in the Wrigleyville Classic. Oh no. Maize n Brew has learned through a secret advertisers memo that there are surprises galore waiting for the fans and viewers this weekend. Here are just some of the classic pitfalls awaiting Northwestern and Illinois that we've learned of.
Live Tigers at the Twenty brought to you by the Visit India Tourism Board -Think you want to get out of bounds to preserve the clock? Think again. Thanks to the Visit India Tourism Board, All-State is proud to announce that live Bengal Tigers have been flown in to roam the sidelines wherever the sideline markers have a two in front of them. We know the Tigers will keep the clock moving and give fans a great interactive experience as the two schools will choose one fan from the opponent's student section to feed to the Tigers. It's just a reminder that you never know what can happen on your next trip to India! Maybe see the Taj Mahal. Maybe see Bollywood. Maybe get eaten by a tiger. Maybe you should talk to your All-State representative about trip and life insurance. Hmmmm?
It ain't just Tigers folks, there's more in store after the jump.
The Degree Anti-Persperant Red Zone Pressure Pit - A trip inside the Red Zone is pressure packed for any defense. If you break, you cost your team momentum. Well, the "stakes" are even higher now. Or lower depending on how you wnt to look at it. Well Degree is stepping up the pressure defenses... and offenses... will face this weekend at Wrigley. Somewhere within each team's redzones there will be a Burmese Tiger Pit waiting for someone to fall in. Just remember, real men who face the pressure don't sweat it. Even when they're about to fall into a board meeting or a pit full of razor sharp spikes.
Stay cool, with Degree!
The DeWalt Offensive Buzzsaw - A good offense cuts through a defense like a hot knife through butter, and that's what you get when you purchase the Game Ready DeWalt Circular Saw with Throat Guard Technology (TM). Forged with only the highest quality American Made Steel, DeWalt's Circular Saw will slice through even the toughest defenses... or offenses. Just like in the 1920's, a Supersized DeWalt Game Ready Circular Saw will rotate at the forties to help the offenses cut through the defenses. Or visa versa.
The Tums Acid Pit - The game's tight. There are just 2 minutes on the clock. And now your stomach is acting up after that fifth bratwurst. You know what time it is. Tum-tum-tum-tum-tuuuuuuuums. If you've ever whated to know what the inside of your stomach looks like after you'vebeen to the ballpark, Tums is going to make that happen for you. As the secondary sponsor of the game, there will be a vat of acid placed underneath the Nothwestern "N" at midfield. To simulate the gigantic bleeding ulcer you've given yourself following this team and having all those extra hot peppers, there will be randomly timed eruptions of gastric acid from under the "N". The only way to get through it is... well... you know. TUMS!
More suprises are in store kids! So tune in Saturday!
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That is way effed up, yet full of win
Any 3rd and longs in the redzone during this game are going to end in blood curdling screams.
If these two teams are lucky, the game will end in regulation in a 1978ish 0-0 tie, they’ll go into overtime a skinny placekicker will save everyone’s souls from certain bloodshed in that damned end zone.
Go Blue!
That's odd
I don’t know if it’s just me, but I don’t find horrific injuries like Prothro’s or Theismann’s exciting at all. And calling that Houston receiver a poor schmuck after seeing that is a little odd, to say the least. Permanent injuries that make people limp for the rest of their lives isn’t something we should be celebrating.
perhaps poor wording on my part
That was meant to be tounge in cheek, not an endorsement of pain and suffering. Thought I made that clear, my bad if I didn’t.
Maize n Brew
Because Football is Better with Beer
by Maize n Brew Dave on Nov 16, 2010 1:26 PM CST up reply actions
Chill Out!
Man Dave -
You sure we right when you told me its hard to keep people from taking things the wrong way! Clearly there is sarcasm and irony prevalent throughout the post. No one wants to see anyone REALLLLLLY get hurt!
Haven’t you ever said in a figurative sense: “Boy, I wish Kovacs would take someone’s heard off!” Or perhaps you’ve said with perfect sarcasm: “Wow! That GERG is doing a GREAT job! Four more years! Four more years!”, meanwhile sobbing on the inside that he’s still here?
Get a clue, chill out, and pull the panties out of your crack.
by boliver46 on Nov 16, 2010 2:38 PM CST via mobile reply actions
Yeah
I was going to post laughing at how the sarcasm is often missed.
I then made the mistake of following a link to a FREEP article….
The only thing worse than the articles themselves are the dimwitted comments. I really wonder if people believe what they post or even watch any football games. Personally I get the feeling that a lot of posters check the box score on Monday, post dribble all week then get black out drunk watching their team Saturday and repeat until it’s December.
Heh
Appreciate the support guys, but no harm no foul. Sometimes I can get carried away too.
And yes, I support the view that most Freep posters are under the influence of some form of weapons grade narcotic.
Maize n Brew
Because Football is Better with Beer
by Maize n Brew Dave on Nov 16, 2010 3:36 PM CST up reply actions
Important Question
So if a wide receiver has the ball go into his hands in the end zone, and he hits the wall at full speed, causing the ball to pop loose while his body collapses into a big pile of broken bones and tissue, is the pass ruled incomplete because he didn’t “complete the process of the catch”??
Great question
Technically you could snare a TD pass way out of bounds in the back of the end zone and still get one foot in the end zone (before plowing into the pseudo ivy, brick and mortar). Those kinds of throws will probably be avoided in this game. Michigan’s former WR (Philly Eagle) Jason Avant probably would love a challenge.
As an aside, as exciting as Dan Persa was at chucking it and scrambling around for the Wildcats, the other QB Evan Watkins is going to be exciting to watch too.
Go Blue!
Funny Article
I particularly enjoyed the Tigers Brought To You By The Visit Indiana Tourism Board. The little kid pointing to them on the right made me crack up.
I also think this is being made into a much bigger deal by traditional media. That padding looks pretty damn thick, at least thicker than the goal post padding on a traditional field. They won’t be running into a plain brick wall like an outfielder running after a fly ball.
And really…how many fades to the corner or long bombs are caught in the back of an endzone each game? I just don’t really see the issue here. I would think that playing on Astroturf or a converted baseball field that still has dirt (like old Candlestick) would be more of a serious danger. I feel the media is just reaching for a story here and I liked your over-the-top take.
Can’t wait to see the game!
by Good Ol' Oakley on Nov 19, 2010 9:17 AM CST reply actions
Hey all, I’m a huge Michigan fan and have come across a place to get 2 tickets to this game for far under face value. There are 2 tickets in Section 10C row 33 for the Ohio state game this weekend
Go to iticketbid.com to at least check it out. You might be able to get them for free if you use the promo code “mglasenapp” it will give you 5 free bids. Go wolverines!
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