Twas The Night Before Football

Twas the day the before Football, and all through the land
No man was working, productivity was canned.
The tailgates were planned and bar meetings set,
Old buddies argued about how drunk they would get.

The coolers were packed full of bratwurst and beer,
The weather channel said the skies would be clear.
Now it was fall and the wind had a chill,
For throwing a football and meat on the grill.

On flipped the tube and there's Musberger's face!
"What a season we've got! It'll be quite a race!"
Ole' Brent looked quite parched, as he searched for a brew,
After slamming one down, "It's College Football anew!"

"Now Texas! now, Georgia! now, Michigan and Clemson!
On, Oregon! On, Utah! on, on California and Wisconsin!
Bama's unbeatable, that's just what we're thinkin'!
But there's football to play and our predictions could be stinkin'"

Finally it's September and College Football is here,
What an Off-Season it's been, how crazy a year.
So much has happened, what can we say?
Let's break it all down on this Pre-Football Day.

"Expansion Galore!" was the headline all summer,
but for the Big XII Commissioner it was really a bummer.
Colorado and Nebraska took other Conferences' pitches,
While everyone else remained Texas' bitches.

Nebraska went Big Ten,
Colorado and Utah went Pacific,
And the WAC ended up looking less than terrific.

But lets change the subject, let's head way down South,
where Georgia's AD's was stuffing a thong in his mouth.

"Don't Drink and Drive" that's what Damon Evans said,
But he was busted for both while getting some.... er... company.
With some booze and a floozie Evans was gettin' some strange,
But the red panties meant Georgia was making a change.

Mike Leach was fired without even a tear,
It's sad to think that Craig James is someone to fear.
Tubbs came to with Lubbock with some head coaching gleam.
Too bad none of Tech's players are equipped for his scheme.

Jim Leavitt was canned and Weis got the boot,
Lane Kiffin left Tennessee for Pete Carroll's loot.
But the joke was on him once he took up the banner
The NCAA came down on USC with sanctions hammer.

And it wasn't just SC that felt the NCAA's wrath,
Michigan got nailed for an excess practice path.
Then there's Masoli who puffed the weezy at night,
but wait he's been suspended, the NCAA got something right!

It's not all bad news
there are reasons to cheer
Mark Herzlich returns for a cancer-free senior year.

By now the pre-season polls have all been released,
As usual Duke's chances had been pre-deceased.
The Buckeyes were picked for a Championship run,
Only time will tell if they have that much fun.

All the off season nonsense finally comes to a close.
No more stories about change and hair in corn rows.
Recruiting goes cold if, for only a while,
Because there's football to play and that business is vile.

The Big East wants respect, the Big Ten validation,
The SEC another crown, and the Pac 10 attention.
The Big XII wants to prove it's more than two teams,
And Boise and TCU have BCS dreams.

Now everyone's tied, nothin and nothin.
Every team's got some hope that this year will be somethin.
Southern Miss and South Carolina should be up in a row,
For tomorrow in Columbia, the season's a go.

But tonight rest well, your sleep you will need,
Your hunger for College Football, tomorrow will feed.
As I turned off the tube, I saw Brent in my sight,
"College Football to all, and to all a good-night!"