BCS Executive Director Bill Hancock Recent Utterances Enter the Pantheon Of Oral Stupidity

It's one thing to say something stupid by accident. It happens. Even the most well intentioned people do it. You're not paying attention and someone drops a verbal land mine in front of your stumbling conversation skills. But instead of alertly dodging it, you don't just step on it, you do a back flip, three quarter twist onto its trigger.

Maybe you asked someone "When are you due?" when they're not pregnant, considering adoption, in the process of a divorce proceeding, and a guy. Maybe you were asked for financial advice and said "That Bernie Madoff, man, is he a wizard! Let me put him in touch with you." It's one thing to do this out of ignorance or lack of an attention span. It happens.

It's another to say this:

BCS executive director Bill Hancock has said there are questions about whether some college campuses had the infrastructure necessary to accommodate the crush of fans and media attending a college football semifinal.

"The infrastructure needed on campus is significant," Hancock told the Associated Press. "That's a factor. That's just one example of the intricacies that are part of this."

There's a reason you're reading that over and over again. Your mind simply can't cope with what you're reading. If you continue reading it your brain will shut off out of necessity and you'll end up a drooling, twitching mess on the floor in need of a fresh pair of undergarments. Frankly, If you've made it this far in the post it's a miracle that box quote didn't give you a stroke or put you into a coma.

Questioning whether a college campus, nay, a college football school can handle a massive influx of people and media for a football game is akin to asking whether... oh I don't know... whether the ocean has water in it .... or whether it's cold enough in Antarctica to make ice, in January. This is the Pontiac Aztec of things to say out loud. This is the equivalent of someone living on the equator questioning whether the Sun is capable of heating the Earth. And this is how the BCS wishes no just to sell itself, but preserve itself.

I've seen people suggest that this is all part of a grand marketing scheme. That if you say things loud enough, often enough, and with enough confidence people will eventually begin to believe it (PAAWWWWWWWLLLLL ALUBAMA'S WON FERTY FUTBALL CHAMPEONCHIPS! I'll hang up and listen). Others have covered the financial aspect of this hypocrisy and what it means for the fans. Zach recapped it again this morning. There's probably some truth there. But there's also the issue of the disappearing fart.

/Whut now?

Think about it. Your buddy (you) drops ass in the room. Everyone smells it, is repulsed by it, but eventually everyone gets used to it. The only people that can smell it are the people entering the room and gagging on it. To you the stench of what you've just delivered is now lost on you. It makes sense to you. And your brain, rather than leaking out your ear in an attempt to escape the smell of moldy bacon wrapped in feet, has simply shut off that aspect of your sensory organs. It's a survival issue.

That is what's happening here.

Ole' Mr. Hancock has become so used to the rancid smell of what he is peddling that he has become immune to how foul and noxious it really is to the human brain. Whenever he speaks on the topic, it doesn't even register just how stupid the things are that come out of his mouth. Despite all the dropping, shaking bodies around him as he drones on about how important the BCS is, it doesn't register with him that he is the cause of it.

Therefore, congratulations, Mr. Hancock. You have become immortal. Your flawed logic and seizure inducing commentary on a sport that your "entity" has no business being involved with in the first place has taken you to a level of verbal idiocy that only a few have ever dared reach.

You now sit amongst the pantheon of greats:

  • Charlie Sheen - ALWAYS WINNING!
  • Neville Chamberlain - That Hitler guy means well.
  • Ed Cole - Of course the Covair is safe.
  • Kenneth Lay - There's no way we'll get caught, right Senator?
  • Ozzie Guillen - (just pick something... anything)
  • John L. Smith - (ditto)
  • Marion Barry - Outside of the killings, [Washington] has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.
  • Captain Francesco Schettino - I'm telling you that reef came out of NOWHERE.
  • Anyone on NDNation

So, again, my congratulations Mr. Hancock. You are one of the greats and you sit a top Mt. Olympus of Idiots with your peers. I'd warn you that it smells of sulfur and month old milk... but you'd never notice anyway.

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