Your Friday Drinking Instructions Offer Sweet, Sweet Certainty


Greetings, Michigan Faithful. Salty language might be ahead.

Over the last couple of days, we've been deluged with rumors of departures and transfers. Three players have already left the basketball team, while Trey Burke's future is still very much up in the air.

I know what you crave. Yeah, we all want him to come back to school and guide Michigan Basketball to the promised land, but, like you, the suspense is killing me. You just want to know what's going on. No more dorm room twit-pics or tweets from fathers or unconfirmed CBS reports. None of that. You just want the sweet, sweet truth.

I got you. Or, more accurately, YFD's got you.

You want certainty? I got you some certainty. I'm going to hit you in the face with some certainty. It's called Troeg's Hop Back Amber Ale. One sip of this and you'll know if you're staying or going. Free yourself from a 19-year-old's Twitter and rid your mind of Mark Hollis, because let's face it, he sucks.

Hop Back knew what it was before you got up this morning. It's so damn sure of itself you can set your watch by its self-confidence. It carries itself like an Amber Ale, but you take one sip and WHAM there are the hops. This beer does NOT screw around. It doesn't care if you're a nice guy or a jackass or a total jackass or a meddling old man. No, these hops don't lie. They hit you in the face and leave you like this guy.

Once you get up, you realize your girlfriend has already moved on, not once, but twice, and is still going to end up on some awful reality show. Good choice, my friend. No one wants to be this guy on the ground.

Wait. You don't care about the substance? You just want a picture of some trash bags? Here you go. Get off my blog. But seriously, this beer is delicious. It's now officially IPA season, and even a stodgy grump like me can get into it. See? You want a picture? Okay, fine.

Seriously, drink eight of these and then say "Trey Burke" three times fast. Yeah right, cowboy. I bet you can do it. You probably played goalie in elementary school soccer. This beer isn't for the faint of heart. Just go drink it. The hops are delicious and it's not too pale - that's because it's a freaking Amber Ale. It's got more of a full-bodied flavor than some of those hoppy IPAS (Hopslam, I'm looking at you) - and is my favorite spring beer to date.

It's the closest thing to a sure thing since, well, you know. Man up. Drink the beer.

Until next time - Cheers, Michigan Faithful. Everyone chill out.

PS: This site's worth a good off-season laugh, even though it's kind of old now. How the hell does he get ANY recruits? Imagine this conversation:

Recruit: Hi Coach, I'm really excited to play for Notre Dame.

Brian Kelly: WELCOME TO THE TEAM!

Recruit's Mother: Uhh, Coach, I've heard some rumors that you get angry easily. I don't want my son playing in that kind of environment.

Brian Kelly: WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY?

Recruit's Mother: (cowed into silence)

Brian Kelly: THAT'S BETTER. HEY, KID, GET IN THE VAN.

Recruit: I guess I'll see you at Christmas, Mom...

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