On Monday, Maize n Brew, a University of Michigan sports blog affiliated with SB Nation, published an article on their website entitled "Know your opponent: Wofford Terriers" in which the writer lists reasons why Michigan fans should hate on our "cute little dog-themed mid major" school that "nobody has ever heard of." In response, I'd like to give the fans of our "cute little dog-themed mid major" school that "nobody has ever heard of" some reasons why it's easy to hate on a school whose fight song includes the lyrics, "Champions of the West" when they're not even in the West.
First thing that comes to mind when any South Carolina resident hears the words "The University of Michigan" is Jadeveon Clowney. Remember that Wolverine fans? That time when Clowney knocked the living daylight out of running back Vincent Smith? When Smith's helmet fell off? When it forced a fumble and Clowney recovered it? When the recovered fumble set up a touchdown on the next play? When the Gamecocks went on to win the Outback Bowl 33-28? When Clowney won an ESPY Award for "Best Play" for that hit? Welcome to southern football.
Speaking of southern football, I'm recalling another instance when a southern school beat the Michigan football team, a school in our very own mid major conference, in fact. Oh yes, when the Appalachian State Mountaineers beat the Wolverines in the Big House back in 2007 in the first game of the season when the Wolverines were ranked fifth in the country. I mean the game has its own Wikipedia page if that tells you anything. A rematch is scheduled for the 2014 season. That's cute, the Wolverines want redemption. And while typically there's nothing Wofford fans dislike more than Mountaineers, on Thursday night beginning at 7:10, Michigan will take that title for a few hours.
The article on the Maize n Brew website goes on to talk about Spartanburg, and while we all know that Spartanburg isn't necessarily a thriving metropolis, neither is Ann Arbor. It's just a suburb of Detroit. DETROIT! The actual worst city in America. I couldn't think of a worse place to live. Let's think about all of the things associated with Detroit – rampant crime, Eminem, racial separation, the Lions, the auto industry.
Here are some other fun facts about Detroit:
- They have an 18% unemployment rate (almost three times the national average)
- The population of Detroit has declined by almost one million people since 1950. See even people from Detroit want to get out of there
- Detroit has the highest rate of violent crime of any city over 200,000 people. With increases in the annual number of homicides and a shrinking population, Detroit has become the city with the highest murder rate in the nation. Forbes even named Detroit the most dangerous city in the country in 2012 for the fourth year.
But enough about Detroit, let's get back to Ann Arbor, which is essentially in Canada. Maybe this is why they think hockey is a big deal? Ann Arbor also averages 58 inches of snow each winter. How miserable? Spartanburg probably hasn't seen that much snow in 50 years combined.
Ann Arbor is pretty much just made up of the University of Michigan so what is the University of Michigan? Well their biggest claim to fame, other than a pop star with a fake British accent named Madonna, is a basketball team that doesn't technically exist – the Fab Five. Any Michigan fan who wants to use the Fab Five as an arguing point for how good Michigan men's basketball is, show me a record book that shows me how many games they won. Those wins no longer exist.
My personal favorite point that the author brings up is that Wofford doesn't have an engineering school. If we're talking about majors, let me just point out that Michigan has a dance major, as well as four different jazz majors, because one just isn't enough.
So there you go Terrier fans, some reasons why Michigan fans shouldn't be too cocky about their beloved institution. And to Michigan fans, especially you John Williams, while you may be quick to knock our "cute little dog-themed mid major" school that "nobody has ever heard of," two can play this game.