Know your opponent: Texas Longhorns

This Saturday the University of Michigan Wolverines will face the Texas Longhorns for a slot in the Elite Eight. While Michigan dispatched the Cinderella Terriers fairly easily in their first game, Texas was busy fighting for its tournament life in a shootout against Arizona State. After 170 points, 39 minutes and 59 seconds Cameron Ridley decided it was time for sun to set on the Devils and he grabbed an offensive board and put it in for the games final bucket. Texas gave us the only actual Game Winning Buzzer Beater of the day (aside from Daniel Alfredsson and the Red Wings) and made Aaron Crafts final attempt look even worse. After such a game it can be hard to root for such a team, but fortunately we have facts and stats to get your mind set for saturday afternoon. So if you found yourself on the Texas bandwagon last night or if you simply want a better reason to dislike Texas than "because we're playing them" please enjoy the following facts about our next opponent; the Texas Longhorns.

  • The University of Texas is a large public University with a massive athletic program focused primarily on football despite not having won anything significant since Nebraska was in their conference. Sound familiar? If you ask me there's only room for one high profile football underachieving football team in this bracket. (Be prepared to read this again if we face Nebraska or Florida later on in the tournament)

  • The University of Texas is located in Austin, Texas. My roommate is named Austin and he loves Michigan. Is there a connection? No, but this is my blog and my roomie deserves a shoutout.

  • Famous political alumni include over 30 Senators and Representatives in Congress. Go ahead and raise your hand if you have been thoroughly happy with Congress over the last century. Nobody? Blame Texas.

  • Famous business alumni include the current CEO of ExxonMobil Rex Tillerson, founder and current CEO of Dell Michael Dell and current CEO of Southwest Gary Kelly. If any of these three companies have ever done anything that might anger you than you have a reason to hate the University of Texas.

  • Roger Clemens spent most of his career with the YANKEES and RED SOX. If that isn't enough to make you hate Clemens, its also probably worth mentioning that he took more steroids than an OSU Defensive Tackle.

  • Matthew McConaughey went to the University of Texas. Don't think thats a reason to hate Texas? Go watch "Failure to Launch" and think again.

  • Bobby Layne went to the University of Texas before going to be a solid quarterback for the Detroit Lions, before creating the "Curse of Bobby Layne" leading to 50+ years of darkness for the franchise. Thanks Texas

  • Roy Williams was a highly touted Wide Receiver at the University of Texas before being drafted highly on the Detroit Lions. Roy Williams quickly join the list of "Highly touted Wide Receivers who are busts despite being paired with MEGATRON."

  • Texas is one of 10 teams in the Big12... because that makes sense.

  • Texas Basketball is coached by Rick Barnes who be all accounts is an excellent guy who's been there for 26 years and shows loyalty to a program that so many coaches lack. What? Assistant coach for a year at OSU? Nevermind. Hate him.

  • Texas made the tournament in 2010. Michigan did not. Injustice. (Repeat for the many years when Texas went and Michigan did not)

  • Texas took part in the 2005 Rose Bowl. Michigan also took part in the 2005 Rose Bowl. Michigan did not win the 2005 Rose Bowl. Revenge is nigh.

    These facts should give more than enough reason for any Michigan fan to dislike Texas, despite any love of their game vs ASU or even strong Texas heritage. Now here a few facts to make you laugh at them.

  • It is often said that "Everything is bigger in Texas" yet nothing could be farther from the truth. Joe Jamail Field, home of Longhorns football, holds a maximum of 101,851 people, a whopping 13,258 LESS than Michigan Stadium.

  • Texas is often thought of as a football powerhouse, yet have 35 less wins, 10 less Conference Titles, 7 less National Titles and 1 less Heisman winner than Michigan

  • Michigan basketball has 1 more National Title and 2-4 more Final Fours than Texas (depending on your opinion of how much a hanging banner means to actually HAVING a Final Four trip on record)

  • The Texas mascot is a Longhorn. Wolverines are better than Longhorns. Don't believe me? Try to milk a Wolverine. No? Didn't think so.

All facts are true and interpretations are biased or your money back. All comments are made as a way of trash talking the next tournament opponent and are in no way meant to serve as an assault on the University of Texas which is a fine institution with many famous and useful Alumni. One of their alumni is literally credited with designing the raid on Bin Laden. No way you can really hate a school that did that.

Any opinions expressed in Fanposts or Fanshots are not the opinions of Maize n Brew. Peruse at your own risk.

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