FanPost

Know your opponent: Tennessee Volunteers

This Friday the University of Michigan Wolverines will take on the University of Tennessee Volunteers for spot in the Elite Eight and a Sunday afternoon date with a team from Kentucky. After vanquishing Texas and Wofford through great first halfs and tough responses to second half runs Michigan now faces a tough Tennessee team on a 3-game win streak. After starting 7-7 in the SECSEC tournament. In the First Four, Tennessee played Iowa in a game that pretty much symbolized Iowa's entire season (good start but outscored 14-1 in OT). Tennessee then took on UMass and they picked up where they left off in Dayton with an easy win. Two days later Tennessee took on the upset minded Mercer Bears and pounded the paint for 86 points and a trip to the sweet 16. Now they await the Wolverines and nobody is ready to go home yet. So to get you ready for tip off, here are the top reasons to hate our next opponent; the Tennessee Volunteers.

  • The University of Tennessee is a public university located in Knoxville, Tennessee. You know what else is in Knoxville? The Mannings. Watch Tom Brady lose to that twerp Eli in twice and tell me you like the idea of Knoxville.

  • The official colors of the University of Tennessee are University of Tennessee Orange and Smokey Gray. Yes, the school founded in 1794 had to specify their colors as more than Orange and more than Gray.

  • In politics, Tennessee has produced both Al Gore Sr. and Al Gore Jr. For all of us who have had to suffer through "An Inconvenient Truth" at one point another we say "Thanks Tennessee."

  • In music, Tennessee is responsible for Dolly Parton. If you have ever heard the music, seen the acting or been to Dollywood than you have yourself another reason to hate Tennessee.

  • The University of Tennessee's teams and students are referred to as a "Volunteer." I don't know why. If schools with weird team names don't piss you off then I don't what does (Looking at you Stanford, Wichita and Ohio).

  • It should be noted that the above only applies to the Tennessee men, as women are known as "Lady Volunteers." Why the difference? Stand up and root for Michigan if you like equality!

  • The official mascot of the Volunteers is Smokey the dog. Or rather Smokey the actual dog (number 10) and Smokey the dude in the giant dog suit. Are either of these two volunteers somehow? I doubt the dog consented and I feel like they pay the guy in the suit? Either way its two mascots, zero volunteers and one confused Michigan blogger.

  • Tennessee is a member of the SEC. The Big Ten does not like the SEC. Michigan does not like the SEC. You do not like the SEC! Don't believe me? Look up the 2012 Cowboy Classic and get back to me.

  • Tennessee went to the 2001 Citrus Bowl. Michigan went to the 2001 Citrus Bowl. See where I'm going with this? Odds are if its on this list, it didn't go well.

  • Tennessee football coach Butch Jones was born in Michigan, played at Ferris and coached Central to a win over Sparty so why should we hate his current school? Easy, he left the warmth and wonder of Central Michigan for a school in south Ohio. Such a choice is never forgiven.

  • Tennessee basketball went to the NCAA tournament in 2010. Michigan did not. Injustice. Repeat for all other instances.

  • If Tennessee I don't get to write another article. I like writing these articles.

    Now that these facts have made you as mad about Tennessee as a Buckeye about Dayton its time to hear the top reasons why Michigan is better and will be better on Friday

  • Tennessee had a 23 year head start on Michigan yet what have they done with it? Only go to 7 less Final Fours, win 106 less football games and construct a football stadium that holds 6,048 less people. I guess thats the efficiency you can expect when you use Volunteers.

  • Tennessee's endowment is enough to buy everyone in America three McDoubles. The University of Michigan's endowment is enough to buy everyone in America thirty McDoubles.

  • Remember the first round of the 2011 tourney? Michigan beat Tennessee 75 to 45. Nik Stauskas, Glenn Robinson III and Caris Levert were not on that Michigan team.
    20110318163027_25-umtenn-prac1_thumb_medium
  • Jordan Morgan was on that Michigan team. He had 10 points and 3 rebounds. Jordan Morgan has averaged a double double in the tournament.

  • Current Tennessee starters Jeronne Maymon and Jordan McRae were on that Tennessee team. They had 0 zero points and 2 rebounds.

  • Tennessee's mascot is a Bluetick Coonhound. Terriers are better than Bluetick Coonhounds. As established earlier, Wolverines are better than Terriers. Therefore, Wolverines are better than Bluetick Coonhounds (which is somehow directly proportional to volunteers).

All opinions expressed are humorous in nature and not meant to be taken serious

ly by anyone. The University of Tennessee is a fine school. Dolly Parton and the Gores are by all accounts good people. There is no scientific proof indicating the supremacy of Wolverines over Bluetick Coonhounds, only indirect relationships like the one above.via www.umhoops.com


Any opinions expressed in Fanposts or Fanshots are not the opinions of Maize n Brew. Peruse at your own risk.

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