YWD Prepares for the Velocirapture

What could be more American? C'mon, now. - Harry How

"Must drink water" "Mucho drunk wagina"

In honor of the second-smartest school in the Big Ten, we're showing off our poetic license with an exclusive interview with Dominique Mazzetti, quite possibly Northwestern's finest and most famous alum:

It's Memorial Day Weekend, one of the best weekends of the year to lose friends while drinking Oberon. Who are we kidding? The only way you lose friends is if you show up to a barbeque in the Mitten with Goose Island and pretend it's anywhere near as good as Oberon. Does Bell's do OberonSeason as a promo? They should. You're welcome. Bells team: Please remit checks to me, not to the heineken-drinking editor of this site.

Anyway. It should come as no surprise that this week's beer completely ignores Goose Island in favor of the far superior Daisy Cutter from Chicago's own Half Acre... But let's be honest- it's Oberon season. Get a minikeg because yes, there is a loving higher power in the world, and said higher power loves you. Run, don't walk - sometimes Meijer has 'em for $14. Do it. Make more friends. Don't be Dom.

The other thing that happened at Northwestern was of course not football-related at all. Did they eventually decide to unionize, therefore wrecking all that we loved in the world? The 2014 season is canceled?

At least tell me we can have beer at Michigan Stadium?

Wait, none of these things happened. OK, we're good. I would be remiss if I didn't tip a hearty glass of beer in the general direction of one Pat Fitzgerald, Esq., who's currently the second-longest tenured coach in the Big Ten. Yep, I think only ol' Kirk's been around longer. Good on him. This blog has a tremendous amount of respect for the 38-year-old head coach, if only because he's done way more with his life than most of us in just 38 short years. Dude's got it good. Quality X's and O's guy, but unfortunately, it doesn't look like Northwestern will be repeating 2000 this year, unless I'm really unfortunate. Anyway, they're good for one or two close affairs per season, and with Dileo gone, I'm not so sure Michigan wants to run into the Fighting Mazzettis this year. Either way, Northwestern doesn't have a single player I can name off the top of my head, so good luck to you, Pat.

Cheers, Michigan Faithful - enjoy your grilling this weekend!

Remember, if you need help this weekend: "Sup, b, nice belly chain" -DM

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