The off-season does strange things to us. We no longer cry over the split second decisions of teenage athletes. We leave that last half inch of bourbon in the bottle when we throw it out and start another (because finishing it would be the sign of a problem). We spend time with our families in our homes rather than at bars with hordes of strangers dressed in similar colors that smell like yesterday's bacon. We eat right, and by that I mean Cheetos are no longer a staple of all three meals. And you know what?

It sucks.

We miss you football season. There's only so much of this "sunlight" and "family" we can stand. If you're reading this, you're probably like us. At least your spouse/significant other/"friend"/Dr. Hanibal Lector who is forcing you to read this is. We need football to carry us through the year, and it's a cruel fate that the season lasts only six months. So what can we do in the interim to keep our sanity?

Many things, my friends. Many things. Over the next few weeks we at Maize n Brew will be rolling out some ideas to help you keep your mental function until the season finaly kicks off in August. Every one of these will pertain to football in some form. Most are probably best performed under the influence of alcohol. Some may will put you on a federal "watch" list of some kind or another. But they'll help you make it through the off season. So with that in mind let's kick off Maize n Brew's Guide to Jackassery.

Chapter One: How to be a Creepy Recruiting Troll on the Message Boards

So, College Football Recruiting You Say?

College Football Recruiting is the life blood of our beloved sport. Without it the game would go back to the days of the University of Chicago winning national championships and Yale and Harvard mattering athletically (they're annoying enough as it is). We have to replenish the players that graduate/leave early/get arrested, and the only way to do that is to promise dumb teenagers all the ass they can handle fame and fortune... er... and the opportunity to obtain great wealth after you leave the NCAA (wink, wink).

How Does This Effect Me?

While everyone knows how important college football recruiting is, no one reputable wants to be involved with it. It's a little dirty. And creepy. Really creepy. Face it, it's following around teenagers and asking them a lot of questions about where they're going later. Creepy. Even so, it involves football and beggars can't be choosers. It also keeps Tom Lemming employed and away from your nonathletic children. Consider the alternative. /shudder/

You mind if I talk privately with your child?

Because everyone wants the steak, but doesn't have a clue where it comes from, that leaves an opening for youto step in and be the provider of that information. People don't want an ecoli porterhouse the same way they don't want some damn two star running back when there's disease free filet or a five star RB available! But how are they going to know what they're getting unless you step in and tell them? You can be important. You can be the great and powerful Oz of your school's football recruiting. You can talk down to people for no apparent reason! What's not to love!?

(more insanity after the jump......)

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More photos » Carlos Osorio - AP

FILE - In this Sept. 26, 2009, file photo, Michigan football coach Rich Rodriguez is seen on the sidelines during an NCAA college football game in Ann Arbor, Mich. (AP Photo/Carlos Osorio, File)

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After Markus' outstanding hot seat piece on Rich Rodriguez, it seemed like an excellent time to take a look into what this whole "practicegate" debacle really means to Michigan Football fans rather than the program. I don’t agree with Markus on everything in his post. We’re going to be at odds on many things there. But I consider that a good thing. The discussion about how Michigan deals with the coming season and the pending NCAA decision isn’t one sided. It’s multifaceted, with so many nuanced permutations that it makes the Healthcare debate look manageable. It’s only when we consider perspectives different from our own that we can actually come up with a full grasp of this situation and where we go from here.

From a fan perspective, the effects of Practicegate on the program’s on-field capability are fairly obvious. Potential loss of scholarships, loss of recruiting privileges, probation, etc. While there’s nothing program crippling in there, or anything worthy of punishments worse than a slap on the wrist for being sloppy with your paper work and pushing the envelope a little too far, it’s still embarrassing.

But embarrassment is overrated. Ask Alabama how their sanctions and the shame associated with them effected the Crimson Tide faithful. I think you know the answer. Our buddies at Roll Bama Roll are laughing at these so-called infractions while puffing on national championship cigars and burying their faces in a mound of coke provided by a former player who actually completed the coke deals he promised. Let the "Jimmy Johns, Cocaine So Fast You'll Freak!" jokes commence.

On field, the infractions may amount to a scholarship or three, maybe fewer official visits and some negative recruiting. But in reality? It’s not going to affect the program too much. This is Michigan after all. Just like Alabama, Texas and Notre Dame, Michigan will always be a powerful name in college football. It’s just the way it is.

Winning Cures Everything

Going past the effects of these potential sanctions let’s be clear, the thing that hurts the most right now is our won-lost record. You can say all the sucked, but if we won two more games I’m willing to bet people would be a lot more forgiving.

It’s easy to point to the every transfer, the West Virginia buyout nonsense, Justin Feagin, the Free Press articles and say that these were all indicia of things to come. But I’d disagree. If you look, for every Justin Boren there's a Brandon Graham and Zoltan Mesko. For every complainer there are two to three other kids who would lay down in traffic for their coach. For all the bitching about privileged athletes Rodriguez' teams have posted the highest GPAs of any Michigan football team in the last 20 years. After three years of horrible recruiting on defense we've got a cadre of linebackers, corners and safeties ready to contribute immediately. All the nonsense that pre-dated the NCAA investigation was just that, nonsense. Rich Rodriguez is a good man and a good coach. I still believe, though that faith has been shaken somewhat, that he is the man to lead our team.

Think about it. If Michigan pulls out one or two of the close games they dropped in 2009, the hot seat isn't even in the discussion. The investigation would be a nuisance rather than a cause celibre. We’d be getting amped for a Big Ten Title run.

Only we're not.

(More after the Jump....)

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Right around the time that college football spring practices begin I usually stop and take a look quick look at the college football coaches who are "on the hot seat", as they say, for the upcoming football season. Tom Dienhart at Rivals.com posted a nice story summary on this subject earlier today.

I found it interesting. And somewhat weird.

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Michigan's 1980 Big Ten Championship Football Team

I'm not sure exactly what to expect on the gridiron for the Michigan Wolverines in 2010.

More wins, I guess.

I do know one thing I definitely want to see.

The 2010 football season marks the 30^th anniversary of the Wolverines' 1980 outright Big Ten Championship and Rose Bowl championship football team.  If they haven't done so already, somebody within the University of Michigan administration and the athletic department needs to organize a commemorative event during the course of the 2010 football season to recognize Michigan's great 1980 Big Ten championship football team.

What made Michigan's 1980 football team so special?

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The Stats: Warren was a consensus five star recruit who came to Michigan and started at corner as a freshman out of Long Beach Poly, California. He went on to a three-year starter at cornerback for the Wolverines, starting 34 of his 36 career games. Overall, Warren posted 170 tackles, five tackles for loss, one sack, three fumble recoveries, six interceptions and 22 pass breakups in his career at Michigan. His 2009 season was easily the most impressive, posting 66 tackles, 4 INTs and 7 PBUs (leading the team in INTs and PBUs).

Awards: You don't get a lot of awards playing on a crappy defense, but Warren pulled some in anyway. In 2007 he was named a Freshman All American, and in 2009 he garnered All-Big Ten First Team (media) and Second Team (coaches) selections. ESPN's Adam Rittenberg has Warren as the No. 23 player in the Big Ten and the No. 2 defensive back just behind Amari Spievey of Iowa.

The Twitter Summary: For you twitter addicts who require things in 140 characters or less, here you go:

Donovan Warren: tall, physical corner with excellent speed, smooth stride, fluid hips, excellent run support.

He probably should've stayed one more year at Michigan. Whether you're talking to Mel Kiper or a GM, every seems to agree that Warren would've been the first corner drafted next year if he'd stayed for his senior season at Michigan.

(More on Donovan Warren's NFL Prospects after the Jump)

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More photos » Paul Sancya - AP

15 days ago: University of Michigan President Mary Sue Coleman, left, listens to head football coach Rich Rodriguez, center, with incoming athletic director David Brandon during a news conference in Ann Arbor, Mich., Tuesday, Feb. 23, 2010. The NCAA has found that Michigan's storied football program was out of compliance with practice time rules under coach Rodriguez. Incoming athletic director David Brandon disclosed the findings on Tuesday. He says there were no surprises in the NCAA findings. He also says Rodriguez remains the coach. Michigan has 90 days to respond and will appear at an NCAA hearing on infractions in August. (AP Photo/Paul Sancya)

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At 1pm EST, University of Michigan President Mary Sue Coleman, Athletic Director David Brandon, and Michigan Football Head Coach Rich Rodriguez addressed the media on the status of the ongoing NCAA investigation into potential violations of NCAA practice regulations during the summer of 2009. The NCAA delivered its notice of allegations to the University of Michigan on Monday, February 22, 2009. You can find the complete document set of the alleged infractions here.

In sum, the crux of that allegations are that Michigan Football's quality control and training staff were involved with monitoring and advising off-season workouts when they should not have been. There are specific allegations against named quality control staff, as well as specific allegations of dishonesty and misrepresentations against a graduate coaching assistant. Additionally, the NCAA alleges that the University and Rich Rodriguez "failed to promote an atmosphere of compliance" with NCAA rules as a result of the preceding allegations.

Facing the allegations head on, President Coleman, AD Brandon and HC Rodriguez announced the receipt of the notice of allegations to the press and fielded questions on the subject. Everyone acknowledged the seriousness of having an NCAA investigation at Michigan. However, and importantly, they said there were no surprised contained within the NCAA's allegations. They also stated that steps have been taken to correct the data management problems that spawned the investigation as well as stated they felt some of the allegations had to do with a misinterpretation of NCAA rules. As noted on MGoBlog and Varsity Blue's wonderful twittering at the event, the Sunday overages that seem to be at the heart of one of the allegations are 20 minutes worth of stretching. Literally. Stretching.

The concerning part of the allegations don't concern the practice time. Unfortunately they involve a graduate assistant making misleading statements to the NCAA and QC staff becoming far too involved in summer workouts and checking in on players' class room attendance (which is apparently a no-no). The latter allegation aside, the misleading statements are a big deal, but the allegations limit them to a specific individual and that individual is not Rich Rodriguez or any of his upper staff. The over involvement however involves five different staffers and could warrant some form of sanction.

The NCAA will hold a hearing on April 13-14 on the subject of the investigation. Michigan has 90 days to prepare its formal response to the allegations, and a formal hearing invovling Michigan will be held in August.

(more after the jump...)

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West Virginia Coach Rich Rodriguez in 2003 (Photo by Doug Pensinger, Getty Images)

While the University of Michigan football team was busy winning an outright Big Ten conference championship back in 2003, Rich Rodriguez was struggling to keep the wheels from coming off of his 3^rd football team at West Virginia. 

Are there some lessons here for Michigan in 2010? Let's find out.

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Maize n Brew gives you your daily (or semi-daily) rundown of all the Michigan Football, Michigan Basketball, College Football, and College Basketball news you need to get through the tedium of your boring desk job. For good measure we'll throw in a little irreverent information, comedy and commentary to help you salt away the time until the clock strikes 5pm.  Want it in 140 characters or less, follow us on Twitter! Or you can find us on Facebook!

Rest in Peace Bennie Abram

Every off-season we're forced to deal with the untimely deaths of young men who play the sport we love. After the tragic passing of Rajaan Bennett, I was hopeful that his passing would be the only one we had to mourn this spring and summer. Unfortunately it wasn't to be that way. Last Friday, Ole Miss junior defensive back Bennie Abram died following the first day of workouts.  The 20-year-old Abram passed away on Friday after collapsing during the first day of team workouts. Team trainers noted his difficulty in the team's initial training regimen and called 911. Sadly, Bennie died Friday night at a hospital in Oxford. Abram was a walk on at Ole Miss after transferring from junior college to play for the Rebels. Reb Cup Rebellion has more on Bennie's untimely passing. Our thoughts and prayers go out to Bennie and to his family and friends. Rest in Peace young man.

Stuff You Should Read Right Now

Our sincerest congratulations to Spencer Hall (ney, Orson Swindle) and his family on the birth of their child Magnus Warhammer Swindle this Monday. And no. I don't think that's his real name, though I'm sure Warhammer is his middle name. Congrats to you Orson, and especially to your wife for delivering a child larger than a Thanksgiving Turkey. That must've been one Volkswagen sized epidural.

You will never find a better summary of the last year in Michigan Sports than this photo. I'm nominating the Michigan Daily's Ariel Bond for a Pulitzer.

(HT: MGoBlog)

The Big Ten hires an outside firm to explore expansion options - Barry Alvarez likes to talk. We all know that. But he's got to be driving Delany nuts right now by flapping his gums about potential Big Ten expansion targets. Or maybe he's out there to spread misinformation. Maybe he's secretly a genius bent on world domination and is throwing us off the scent. Who knows? But any discusson of Big Ten expansion at this point is all numbers based. And until they run the numbers on the other candidates, we're just guessing.

Vote Akbar - With Ole Miss changing its beloved mascot at the start of next season, Mississippi's pissed off fan base is finding ways to torture the administration in some truly wonderful ways. In an attempt to garner support for a student voice in the mascot selection process, they've started the Admiral Akbar for Ole Miss Mascot movement. And, unsurprisingly, it's garnering some support. The line "Who wants a Colonel when you can have an Admiral!?" is classic. Here's hoping the Admiral who led the Rebel Assault on the second Death Star can lead a blow for a student voice into what is otherwise sure to be a sham selection process led by money grubbing corporate donors. Go Akbar! (HT: Doc Saturday)

Joe Pa's old specs go for $9,000.00. I have nothing to say that makes anything funnier than what actually happened.

(More Michigan News after the jump....)

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