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You're a Grown-Ass Man, Dog

You're a grown-ass man, dog. Keep reminding yourself of that. You're a grown-ass man, dog...

Believe it or not, I'm not talking to myself for once. Rather, I'm talking to you. You know who you are; you're Mr. Jai Eugene Is a Classless Jerk. That was you on the message boards tonight tearing down an eighteen-year-old kid, right? It was you who was comparing him, an eighteen-year-old kid, to the other eighteen-year-old kids--Cameron Colvin, Nic Harris, et al.--of the past, right? And all for what? Because he wants to be near his child? I mean, he is from Louisiana, dog. And did I mention that he's eighteen-years-old? You're letting a kid who can't even buy a drink, who can't even remember Voltron ruin your mood? Your night? Your week? Your life? Come on, you're a grown-ass man, dog.

Look I can understand being upset. No one likes it when a player de-commits from Michigan; especially not when we're so close to signing day. I get that. Also, I'm with you: it sucks to again lose a premier cornerback. I mean, what is going on, right? I get that, too. AND, I even understand feeling extra upset because it was so exciting when Eugene committed in the first place. We weren't supposed to get him, right? Right?! He's from the deep south and already has a kid. He was supposed to stay close to home to be with his son. And yet we got him. It was thrilling. I get all of that.

So what happened? See above, dog. He's eighteen-years-old and has a kid. Jai, Jr., I believe. That's what happened; family happened. And honestly, it's not even cool saying that "it happened." We're talking about a kid who needs his dad and who probably needs more than that. A mom would be nice, too. Eighteen-year-olds get caught up. Leaving would be fun; the Chop House has great steak; I've never even seen 110,000 people, and suddenly they're all gonna come watch me play every Saturday? It happens. Whimsy sucks, but it's part of life. And honestly, isn't this what's best? Check the numbers, dog: intact families are a good thing for everyone.

So come on, dog, be a grown-ass man. I mean, you are a grown-ass man, dog, right? Let it go. It sucks. I'm upset too. Fuck, you know I'm upset. I'm the guy who leaves no profanity unused when Michigan loses the coin toss. I'm the guy who would send Lloyd Carr to rot in the frozen depths of Dante's hell. I'm the guy who scares his friends when Michigan loses. You know I'm upset. And yeah, I don't buy into the Johnny Sears-as-god hype either because, well, when was the last time that the hype about anything having to do with Michigan football was warranted? I am totally with you, immersed in anxiety and dread and disappointment.

But come on, dog, you're a grown-ass man. Don't take it out on an eighteen-year-old kid who's actually doing the right thing, in the long run. Don't do that.

And besides, you can still smile a little bit. Remember when I was going crazy about a week ago because this class was looking mediocre and the big names weren't gonna be coming to Michigan? Well, suddenly the sun is back in the sky. Super OL recruit Steve Schilling is coming; four-star players Jonas Mouton, Jason Kates, Corey Peters, and Adam Patterson are said to be coming; "who is Mike Jones comin'" (just checking to make sure you were with me). With all of that d-line beef, who even needs cornerbacks? QBs won't have time to throw it past the LBs (yeah, sure they won't).

So yeah, this sucks, but hey, you're a grown-ass man, dog.