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Perriloux Booted From LSU, Please God Let Him End Up at Iowa

After burning just about every bridge in Louisiana, counterfeitin' n illegal gamblin', fightin' in da club, drinking underage, and smoking enough marijuana to give Timothy Leary pause and suggest someone might have a slight drug problem, gifted but troubled $60 Mother Fucking Million Dollar Man/quarterback Ryan Perrilloux was finally booted from the LSU team.

Apparently this was the final straw for head coach Les Miles, who finally pulled the trigger on Perriloux' Tiger career from his hospital bed,* after Perriloux had "allegedly" pulled the trigger on Miles six times following a "discussion" on Perriloux' "future."* Kirk Ferentz called the dismissal "Harsh" and has offered Perriloux a scholarship.* City Boyz Inc., has also contacted the quarterback in support of his matriculation to Iowa.*

Ryan's got connections, Boyz. As the $60 mother fucking Million Dollar Man he'll be able to at least double that stack. Perriloux just has to end up in Iowa. I've got $50 that says he's got a meth lab up and running in Iowa City within a half hour of arrival.

* Nothing after the first paragraph is true. However, the fact that the first paragraph is true, well, that's just scary.