Michigan Indiana Post Game wrap up around lunch. I'm still digesting whatever the hell that was. But needless to say, it was a win. Woo. The fact Michigan trailed Indiana by 20 in the second half? not so good. - MnB Dave
The College Football Season comes to an end tonight as two Heisman winners square off in Dolphins' Stadium. One of those Heisman winners will be the son of Chuck Norris, Tim Tebow. Face it folks, even though Tebow spends his free time preaching to the incarcerated, curing cancer (we assume), trimming the foreskin of the impovrished, and keeping the planets properly aligned by toting the earth around the sun to keep it in its proper orbit; on the field he's not nearly so generous. On the field he dominates. Just ask him. He'll tell you over and over again.
ESPN: Tim, when you get up in the morning, what motivates you?
Tebow: Domination.
ESPN: What do you usually have for breakfast?
Tebow: Domination flakes and a bagel. With domination cheese, of course.
ESPN: When you're out on the field, you've got a crazy ass look in your eyes. What the hell?
Tebow: That's my "Dominate" look. To dominate you must look like you dominate, so I dominate.
ESPN: What?
Tebow: DOMINATE!
He's also a fine actor. Behold his role in Team America (hint: Not Samuel L. Jackson).
In honor of Tebow's sheer awesomeness, we give you the Tebow National Championship Drinking Game!
- Drink every time Tebow is called "a warrior." Bonus chug if any of your friends sing the first two chorus lines of Scandal's opus "I am a warrior" and change the lyrics to "Tebow is..."
Dance, Tebow, you magnificent bastard.
- Drink every time Tebow's called "a leader," then salute. If someone is spotted in an American flag tie, drink again.
- Drink every time Tebow's called a "special athlete," then yell "Tiiiimmmmmmmmay!"
- Drink when Tebow's referred to "as bulldozer." If an actual bulldozer is shown at anytime, finish your drink.
- Drink every time the announcers say "Oklahoma hasn't faced a quarterback like Tebow!"
- Finish your drink if an Oklahoma player goes blind on the field from gazing to intently at Tebow's vissage.
- Drink every time the announcers reference the Heisman trophy, then make Heisman pose.
The only true Heisman pose. via www.freewebs.com
- Finish your drink if the announcers suggest Tebow should've won the Heisman again this year.
- Drink every time Tebow points to the sky. Then realize the only reason the sky hasn't fallen is the strength of his pointing.
- Drink every time Tebow references God. Or himself. Tom-A-to. Tom-ah-to.
- Drink every time he's shown on the sidelines flapping his arms like a bird to pump up the crowd.
- If (when) Tebow actually takes flight, finish your drink and do a shot.
- Drink every time Tebow's on camera for no reason when the Florida defense is on the field.
- Drink every time Tebow is seen screaming with his helmet off.
- Drink every time they show a "I Heart Tebow" sign in the stands.
- Finish your drink if Tebow scores a touchdown and celebrates by physically ripping the heart out of an Oklahoma player and holding it aloft .
- Drink every time you see a Florida fan in jorts. (Small sips on this one. Otherwise it could kill you).
- Shot every time they mention his experience as missionary.
- Shot if he's called a "runway beer truck," ala Owen Schmidt two years ago in the Fiesta Bowl.
- If they mention him performing circumcisions in the Philippines while he was a missionary - Chug your beer, do a shot of Patron.
(Disclaimer: Playing the Tebow drinking game may will result in death. So don't do it. Ever. Not even in jest. The content above this disclaimer is a joke, not a suggestion. If you're dumb enough to do it, just pray Tebow is nearby. Only he can save you. Him or a local hospital with a stomach pump.)
