It's the offseason. Michigan Football isn't praticing. Michigan Basketball is quiet. Bill Martin's out sailing. There is nothing going on. No player felonies to report. No coach's hilariously minor violations of NCAA rules to mock (save Kiffin, but we'll leave that to the SEC guys). Recruiting's kinda quiet and there are only so many times we can watch the video of a monkey sniffing its own butt. Just kidding. We laugh hysterically every time. But all this free time causes our minds to wander, and these are the things we think about...
It's time for a Godzillatron at Michigan Stadium
Yeah. You heard me. At Michigan we pride ourselves on accumulating the best sports enthused nerds on the planet. They're engineers with a football problem. They pack Michigan Stadium with mental charts of run direction percentages and optimum downfield pass (>15 yards) scenarios. When they're not in the Stadium or playing World of Warcraft, they design things. Electrical things. Things that display objects with the clarity it would take a thousand naked eyes to fully absorb. They design and build things that can project a smilely face on the moon, but have to watch Michigan Football replays on this?
That ain't right. Especially when you realize Texas, TEXAS, Has this thing.
Behold the majesty of Godzillatron. All hail. It's the size of an office building. It's got more pixels than your skin has pores. The power it takes to run it on game day would keep all of Columbia well lit for two weeks. It is glorious. If a place like Texas, who cages their nerds and feeds them food pellets every time they design something, has something like this, what stopping us from building something better? Our nerds are free range. There are no organized nerd beatings in Ann Arbor. Hell. They run the damn place.
So lets put them to use.
I'm not talking about a Godzillatron like the one at Texas. No way. That's thinking small, baby. I want something that can be seen from space. Something that the people directly beneath it get a suntan from. Something so powerful you can watch the game clearly from two counties away. We can build it. We have the technology. We can make it bigger. Clearer. Awesomerer.
We've put ten seconds a lot of thought into this. We've even commissioned a reputable engineering firm five year-old with crayons to prepare an artists rendering of what the new scoreboard should, nay, WILL look like. Behold it's awesomeness.
Mind blowing isn't it? This isn't a Godzillatron. No goddamn way. This is something that would consume the Godzillatron whole and slowly devour it over the centuries in its electronic colon. Godzillatron's a pussy compared to this.
As you can see, the CLOVERFIELDTRON is four hundred feet high and so large that you can't even make out the complete "Michigan" over the top of it because it wraps around to the other luxury box, not because we suck at MS Paint. Further, when football is not being played, the American Flag will be its screen saver, reminding the world that Freedom brings you cool shit like this. It will be a constant reminder to all that you should live American, breathe American and buy American (specifically GM cars. Please? Anyone?). This, frankly, is the most AMERICAN scoreboard ever proposed. What's more American than building something unnecessary and totally symbolic on the backs of migrant and likely illegal immigrant workers? Nothing. If you are against this you are against America, and probably watch men's figure skating. So why are you against America? You can't be. CLOVERFIELDTRON = America. Somewhere J Leman just shed a tear of joy. Hopefully someone caught it. It will cure cancer.
Please join us in our movement, nay, CRUSADE to have CLOVERFIELDTRON built. It must be done. If for no other reason than to piss off Texas. We know Bill Martin's got the money to build this squirrled away under his matress, so there's no reason not to.
This must be built. For America.