A sign from the heavens has come. College Football is neigh.(/small bow/)
As it was written so it shall come to pass... and run. The second Monday of August is upon us. A reading from the Book of Tebow.
So it was proclaimed that young men of all sizes, speeds, races, colors, creeds and backgrounds shall descend upon the grounds of their sacred college palaces to prepare for the coming of our fall savior, college football (/small bow/). These young men shall run, tackle, and poundeth the hell out of one another for three solid weeks before they are allowed to enter the sacred temples of College Football (/small bow/). Without these sacrifices, the grills shall remain cold, the RVs unused, the beer warm, and TV's dark. In the time before college football (/small bow/), Saturdays were quite. For gardening and grocery shopping. The Lord seeth this and sayeth, "No more."
"Saturday shall be a day of great rejoicing. A special day. A day for college football (/small bow/). For 15 weeks, Colleges and Universities across the land shall pit large men in uniform against one another for the amusement of the masses. Meats shall be grilled, coolers filled, and drinking heavily before 10am shall be socially acceptable. And in each contest between these schools, a victor shall emerge. That victor shall only in the rarest of occurrences be named Duke. These contests shall be all things. Boring yet surprising. Unpredictable yet known. Excruciating yet exhilarating. I shall look down with great favor upon teams with chunky kickers. All I leave to you, my sons and daughters, is to name a champion after 15 weeks of contests. Don't screw it up. XOXOXO - God." The Book of Tebow, Chapter XI, Verse 20.
So prepare yourselves, brothers and sisters, college football (/small bow/) is upon us. Clean the coolers. Purchase that portable grill. Feed the kicker enough high calorie food to make him look like the Stay Puft Marsh Mellow Man. Today is a day to rejoice. College Football (/small bow/) is neigh.
