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Things I saw at Practice Yesterday

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The Satellite


Thanks to a friend in the espionage business (I won't say which one, but it begins with CIA) I was able to get ahold of one of those satellites yesterday and took in Michigan's practice.  They practiced indoors you say?  You haven't seen the newest satellites.  While the birds eye view was a little frustrating at times (tough to see pad level, you know) I did manage to take away several impressions.  First, Michigan is going to be really, really good this year.  Think, like, 10 wins.  Here's what I saw:

Offense:

First, I thought that Denard Robinson's throwing mechanics were really rough, and his completion percentage was way down.  However, it's tough when you're throwing bombs, then running down the field and catching them yourself (boom uniscorn'd).  While this only worked 52% of the time, I think you'll see it implemented as a gadget play down the road. 

This next one I wouldn't believe had I not seen it with my own eyes via billions of dollars of technology.  Forcier, having learned from Marv Marinovich seems to have actually developed a sort of QB Force.  His passes don't actually float through the air.  Rather, they are teleported straight to the receiver's hands.  I'm surprised nobody has picked up on this from watching film, and it explains his super-high completion percentage.  The only drops were from receivers who were surprised that a ball materialized in their hands.

The only problem that I could see is the fact that the linemen have both grown to such immense proportions that battles against the 1st teamers go on for hours.  I saw Brandon Graham - now standing 7'2" and weighing 425 lbs. of pure muscle - and Mark Ortmann (7'1" 395 lbs.  Muscle.  Ripped) stand each other up for a good half hour; neither giving an inch.  The increased growth, bulk, and speed - likely due to another year of Club Barwis - will certainly help on Saturdays against teams that don't feature a wolf-owning bear-wrestling MMA dynamo as S&C coach, but provides little in the way of practice viability.  The scout-teamers, being MICHIGAN MEN, all stood up to the girth, but I expect other team's linemen to simply curl into a ball and wet themselves.  This should open a lot of holes for Minor.

Defense:

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On our way to the practice field


I've already mentioned the pure size gain on the defensive line, and Brandon Graham is no exception.  What is important to realize is that the huge growth has not impacted speed - if anything this team seems to be faster.  During springs at the end of practice, I timed Graham at a 4.0 flat 40 speed. 

The safeties and corners all seem to be more of the hard-hitting variety.  In fact, they had to bring in several replacement dummies because usually when Stevie Brown or Donovan Warren - two veterans - hit them the pads simply disintegrated into their atomic parts. 

Obi Ezeh, it appears, has learned a bit of the QB FORCE from Forcier.  Now, this is just my speculation, but having a first name of "Obi" seems to make him more apt to learn the force ways.  He was simply teleporting, for lack of a better word, across the field and was definitely the team's #1 tackler in practice.  Often, he would simply teleport into the backfield at the snap of the ball and meet Brandon Minor at the handoff point.  The resulting impact would cause coaches and lesser MICHIGAN MEN diving for cover as the shockwave ripped through the new practice facility.

Special Teams:

I'd love to be able to comment, but it appears that our espionage activities were spotted: Zoltan punted a ball that knocked out our camera.  In space.

Many thanks to the CIA for their continued support of this blog.  Also, I now owe them 1.2 billion dollars for the camera and satalite usage.  Donations accepted; please email me using the information on the sidebar.

 

PS THIS REALLY HAPPENED