The NFL Combine is upon us folks. Two full days of gigantic, sweaty dudes running around in skin tight Under Armour for our amusement. It's part track meet, part colonoscopy, part kennel club meeting. Jokes aside, it's perhaps the most crucial point off the field of play where a potential draftee can significantly raise, or lower, his draft stock. And this year our favorite Senior Offensive Lineman Stephen Schilling has the honor of representing the Maize n Blue at this year's combine.
You may recall our friend and Space Emperor Zoltan Mesko talked with us about the NFL combine at length a year ago (among many other things). Zoltan told us about the medical exams, the physicals, the work outs, and about stealing an MRI machine:
MnB: Well, that's where your business degree comes in handy, you get a leg up on everybody there (hur. hur. Yes. I actually said this. - Ed.).
So, getting on to the important stuff, did you get any good shwag or did they make you give back all that Reebok crap they gave you.
Z: Oh, yeah. Wait. You're talking about the gear right?MnB: Yeah. I'm not asking if you were stealing towels or anything.
Z:(laughing) No no no... I took an MRI machine.
MnB: That's pretty sweet dude. You can get a couple of mill for that on the open market.
Z: (laughing) Yeah, it's up on E-Bay... In all seriousness, I got a ton of stuff. Even at the Senior Bowl my parents had to buy me a second bag to take home all the stuff I got. I received so much stuff that I ended up giving away most of it to family and friends.
MnB: Now that you're gonna be a pro, do you think you'll actually be able to get to Ann Arbor and tailgate?
Z: Man, I would love to. When I was coming here on my unofficial visits, coming to the games as a senior in high school, I didn't really think too much of the tailgating. But my friends at Michigan got me interested in it, and I'm thinking to myself "Wow, I've never done it." Maybe I'll be able to do it down the road.
And that's the thing, hopefully I catch on with a team next year where I get drafted or put into a good free agency situation where I can stick with a team. Hopefully I won't be able to come back to Ann Arbor because of that... well there are bye-weeks... but, hopefully I won't be able to full-time tailgate until ten years down the road. But I'd love to do that.
MnB: You know if you sell that MRI machine you'll have no trouble getting yourself a pretty sweet RV to party with.
Z: (laughing) That's right.
As you now know, the Combine worked out pretty well for Zoltan. The Space Emperor is now plying his trade for the New England Patriots in between intergalactic battles with the Cardashians (I love that pop culture names and nerdery can intersect in real life). With this in mind, Schilling as retreated into semi-seclusion in Eastern Russia and is preparing for the Combine in secret.
Rumor has it that Schilling only brought with him a 80's Casio keyboard, comically outdated leather boots, and a picture of Cameron Heyward. Rumor has it that the Combine will return to a simpler, more down home format this year, and Schilling is banking on his rustic Russian training to push him into the first round. Using only the implements available to him, our crack investigators are reporting that Schilling can now bench press a yak 27 times, squat a Moskvich-402 an impressive 32 reps, and throw a plow horse an astonishing 35 meters.Reports also have Schilling outracing a Ural-377 in the 40 peasant dash.
Schilling is banking that his dedication to Balboa method, as it is known, will move him up in the draft. At present Schilling is rated as one of the better offensive guards available in the draft, but certainly can make himself a considerable amount of money with a strong showing in the coming days. One thing that will aid Schilling at the Combine is the mobility that was required in Rodriguez' spread offense. As a result his speed, mobility and strength should be on full display for the scouts in attendance. Going into the Combine as a middle round prospect, a good showing could move Schilling in to the very early rounds and give him a chance to show everyone in the NFL what we Michigan fans already know. He's a hell of a football player.