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Your Friday Drinking Instructions Sits At The Roundtable

Roundtables seem to be all the rage right now, so I had one myself over a few drinks.

Todd Warshaw

It seems to me that more and more bloggers like asking questions and having mailbags and, y'know, interacting with readers. We've been told by the muckittymucks at the mothership that it's a great way to build the community. Fine, ok, I'll do that. But, most of the time, I neither want to ask your opinions nor receive them, let alone spend hundreds of words responding to them.

You know those beers in the basement I bought five years ago? Can I still drink them? - (redacted), Columbus, OH

It's shocking to me that I'd even answer this question given where it's coming from. But luckily, there's an answer. Depending on the type of beer, beers usually retain the taste with which they were bottled for three to six months. The reason why bottles are dark is because light + beer = gross. So keep them in a darker place and you'll be fine. But after 3-6 months, the seal on the cap starts to break down and the active yeasts in the beer start eating the good stuff when they react with new oxygen, turning that delicious Bell's Smitten Rye you bought last year on sale into vinegar. Don't do it. Unless you buy Michelob Ultra, which provides so few opportunities for anyone to deduce that yes, you are indeed drinking beer - in which case it'll just break itself down to water.

BONUS: Twitter, as usual, has exactly the answer we were looking for:

In 1956, the US government ran an experiment and found that beer would be drinkable even after a nuclear explosion. — Strange Facts (@BeIieveOrNot) January 17, 2014

I can't tell if irradiated beer is a good idea or not - but I do know that cold beer -> warmth -> cold again is gross, so this author will, FOR SCIENCE, attempt to hold a beer in the vicinity of the next nuclear explosion we know will occur - likely either on the field in East Lansing next fall (assuming little line improvement)  or in the neighborhoods after the game (assuming Cook regression+line improvement).

A press conference Friday to introduce an assistant coach? Really, MythAgain? MSU must really be in their heads now. - D. Sharp, Detroit

Don't be a doofus. I do like feel something toward the attempt at rhyme though. There's really no question for me to answer there.

If you can't distinguish sarcasm in 140 characters then maybe Twitter's a little too advanced for you. -Drew S., Detroit

Wait a minute... I think these guys might be the same person... in case you're wondering, yes, it's incredibly easy fodder. The condescension? Check. Bad jokes? Check. The chip on the shoulder so obvious it causes others pain? Yep. The one nice thing about football season being over is that "Drew S's" comments become even less topical.

If you could be any athlete in the world outside of a "major" sport, who would you be? -Dan

I've often said I'd want to play baseball or quarterback, but assuming those and soccer are off the table, I want to be this guy (not the part where he's getting shoved as a kid...)

Holy wah does that look fun, right? Apparently it's crazy dangerous though. Can't imagine why.

Are you actually going to write about beer today? We talked about this, man. We talked about this. -Zach T

I'm clinging to the time we have left together before pale ales and spring IPAs team up to wreck the goodwill the craft brewing industry has built up since the late summer when oktoberfests, porters, and winter warmers swooped in to save the day. I'm currently dredging the depths of how dark porters and stouts can get, and I don't have an easy answer for you. Right now the Take the Black Stout by Ommegang is probably the darkest stout I've had, with some of the odder Bell's offerings at Ashley's coming in a close second or a New Holland Dragon's Milk. But in this kind of winter, alternating between oddly cold and oddly not-cold (descriptive, right?) I like a mix of the two, generally tending to go for porters. I'll take them while I still can. I recently ventured back up to the Northeast and got myself a Narragansett Porter, which was delicious. Narragansett is one of those sneaky good breweries that has reinvented itself and doesn't charge too much for a quality six-pack (6.99 for six tallboys). That's a win in my book.

Enjoy the second-last weekend of real football for the next nine months, Michigan Faithful. Until next time, cheers!