Every year, I have a very in-depth argument with some friends that are way douchier than I am about which song deserves to be called the "Song of the Summer". Last year, Colbert made it easy:
This year, it's a super-crowded field. I can't say there's a runaway hit of the year so far, but there's definitely some serious pandering to the Academy going on. Consider:
What the hell is happening? Let's break it down.
- Is that Ryan Gosling? I don't know. Check.
- There is a LOT of lingerie happening. Check.
- Catchy beat. Super catchy. Can you dance to this when you're so hammered you don't know what day it is? Check.
- Title? Check.
- Is there a story about good times in the prime of your life? Check.
- IS THAT...
- IT IS!
- Did you SEE that Statham cameo?
So what are the rules for the Song of the Summer, anyway? It comes down to three things:
- Mindlessness. This is vital. Needs to be catchy without being memorable.
- It should be appropriate at a beach, a club, or a beach club.
- You know that friend you have who is like three months behind on musical trends? In three months, they need to show you said song. Ideally before the first snowfall, but we're flexible in this one.
- Celebrity cameos: anything will do here.
- Skin:to:clothes ratios in the music videos must be no more than 1:1.
Simple enough, right? But Kongos decided that an accordion is necessary.
But did you ever wonder what deadmau5' bastard child with My Chemical Romance would look like? We did. But here at MnB, we're dreamers of dreams. Oh, hey, Real Friends:
Sam Smith's tune has been dominating billboards. But just because English summer is ten minutes long, still cold, and full of regret, does not mean we have to deal with this in the United States. Sorry, Sam.
The final entry has so thorougly dominated the Billboard charts this summer that it's totally impossible to ignore her. And it's entirely plausible that she'll be hired to be Indiana's next football coach. I'm talking about Charli XCX. Or Iggy Azalea. It doesn't really matter. Iggy's been on the top two Billboard songs for a while now, making her '06 Ohio State in their quest for a national championship. How'd that work out?
So there you have it. Those are the contenders. It feels odd, doesn't it? There's no particular frontrunner. I just don't know what to do. Wait, is that Weird AL?
If a summer ever needed a parody, it's this one. Thanks, Al. But with every song of the summer must come a beer of the summer. We've discussed BLL and the Coors Light clone. We've had Smitten and Oberon and so many wonderful crafts. But what is the beer of the summer?
(spoiler: it's Oberon. It will always be Oberon.)
But you already knew that, and we strive to find new amazing beers at MnB, so for science, I checked out Royal Oak Brewery's delicious Summer Wit. And you know what, it was really good. It had a really crisp pils-type taste for a witbier, which was really cool to try. It's crisp, smooth, and done right. I respect that.
Until next time - here's your BrewShot of the Week, Michigan Faithful! Keep your suggestions coming to firstname.lastname@example.org!