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Michigan Football: Paying Tribute to the Ohio State Buckeyes Band, Finding Meaning in its Songs

Let's try to forget all of the nonsense--the fired band director and hazing--and focus on the meaning of Ohio State's anti-Michigan songs. They're rooted in deep-seated emotions.

To be fair, it's unknown if any of the members pictured were involved in the recent OSU band scandal.
To be fair, it's unknown if any of the members pictured were involved in the recent OSU band scandal.
Harry How

First of all, I want to start by saying that I don't condone hazing of any sort, nor do I recommend that people in positions of power turn a blind eye while their understudies do things that embarrass the institution.

But I do find it perfectly acceptable to poke a little fun at the recent transgressions of the Ohio State band--all in somewhat good taste, of course. When the over-the-top, sexually-related hazing rituals are taken out of the equation, we have a pretty entertaining story about why we should love the hate in college football.

OK, the technicalities are taken care of--and don't forget, it was a very bad thing that those Buckeyes percussionists and wood-winders did. You know, the parodies of Michigan and Michigan State fight songs, plus the original compositions...

Although I'm a day or two late, I wanted to bring these tunes to your attention (because Deadspin brought it to mine this week). Because if you're reading this, you're probably a Michigan fan. And if you're a Michigan fan, you: A. Love to hear about Ohio State's boo-boos, and B. Need to know that your beloved "Hail to the Victors" was butchered by a bunch of crazy kids.

So, without further delay, here is the Buckeyes' ode to the maize and blue. I'm going to go ahead and censor these things. But by all means, feel free to use your imagination.

Come (not sure how to hide this one) us, Michigan:

Tune: Buckeye Battle Cry

Come (bad) us, Michigan

Our (bad) are waiting for you

Come (bad) us, Michigan

It's such a lovely thing to do

What does the song really mean? Well, exactly what it says. There is no hidden meaning in this one. You can't play it backward and receive a message. Simply put, the Buckeyes--cordially, I might add--ask that the Wolverines (bad) them.

And they even go as far to say that they're waiting. Now that's polite. "Hey, I'm ready when you are. Just wanted to let you know that."

Hail To the Victors

Hail to those (these kids are bad)

Hail to those big (bad, worse)

Hail! Hail! To Michigan

The cesspool of the world.

What does the song really mean? Whoever wrote this was insanely jealous of one of the most recognizable songs ever written. There is no other explanation. But the explicit suggestions make me wonder about the author's/authors' relationship with his/her/their mother. There has to be some Freudian stuff going on there. I'm convinced.

This twisting of Michigan's trademark sound was done by sick, sick individuals who were simply crying for help. But the band director didn't hear them. Apparently they don't hear a lot, according to Deadspin's report.

There's another verse, but they just switch words and name-call. Someone needs their mouth washed out with soap. Even Sam Kinison was offended (rest in bleeping peace, Sam).

And honestly, I'm not going to attempt to give you a clean version of the Spartans' fight song. Really, those type of lyrics wouldn't be fit for a 2LiveCrew album. They're pretty raunchy.

Your favorite college anthem has been reduced to nothing but a bunch of four-letter words and insults by "depraved" tubists, pianists, flutists and trianglists.

Thank the Buckeyes for that.

Follow Maize 'n Brew's Adam Biggers on Twitter @AdamBiggers81