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Every year, I predict the season. Every year, I get it wrong. What do we get right at MnB, though?
Beer. Lots of it. This is your definitive guide to the Beers You Should Drink This Season. Game by game, week by week, disappointing win by crushing defeat. Wait, that came out wrong. Weirdly enough, I'm tempted to recycle the exact same beers because they're all lovely. But that's not the content we strive for here. Only the best.
App State
Prediction: W, 22-10
Record: 1-0
Recommended Beer: Take App State's beer of choice, Gennessee Cream Ale, pour it out, and then wash your hands. Then, go find a Natty Boh. Drink because this game will only make you angry.
Actually, the only way I can describe this game is this video in its entirety:
@ND
Prediction: W, 12-10
Record: 2-0
Recommended Beer: No Label Brewing Don Jalapeno Ale. Beer, for doofuses.
This one's tough. Michigan has historically not been wonderful on the road under Brady Hoke, and ND has plenty of depth to overcome the loss of their starters. But I like M's chances in this better than any of the Big Three road games this season.
Miami, Ohio
Prediction: W, 37-13
Record: 3-0
Recommended Beer: Shorts' Autumn Ale. Football season means fall beer. This one's a great ESB with the cutest darn label you'll ever see.
Woody, Bo, Ara Parseghian, Bill Mallory, and... Chuck Martin? Miami was statistically the worst offensive team in the sport last year, looking to revitalize under former ND OC Chuck Martin. Look for a "ND Lite" type offense in which only two guys get suspended for academic fraud instead of four.
Utah
Prediction: W, 17-13
Record: 4-0
Recommended Beer: Epic Brewing's Utah Sage Saison. This is a really cool beer. Sage is delicious.
I have no idea what's going on with this game. Utah
Minnesota
Prediction: W, 35-17
Record: 5-0
Recommended Beer: Surly Bender. Run, don't walk. A brown ale for the Brown Jug.
In my world, Michigan's now 5-0 after a thumping of Minnesota. Hello, Brown Jug. I wrote this exact same thing last year. Like, I just copied and pasted. I really like living in my world.
@Rutgers
Prediction: W, 31-10
Record: 6-0
Recommended Beer: Flying Fish's Abbey Dubbel - a wonderful Belgian dubbel from Somerville.
You know that in Jersey they have these trucks called Grease Trucks that are like the greatest things in the world? Think food trucks without the douchey tacos and with 100% more greasy shit. Really looking forward to some New Jersey State University cultural infusion into the B1G.
Penn State
Prediction: W, 25-20
Record: 7-0
Recommended Beer: Make yourself comfortable, because PA has some wonderful beer. Sly Fox and Victory are both there, but Troegs' Troegenator Double Bock takes the cake here. What a great beer for a night game against the Nittany Lions, and one of my favorites. They tend to go hop-heavy at Troegs, so be warned. Where's the umlaut, SBN?
This game scares me but I'm rolling now. Hackenberg is the only question mark against a Michigan secondary that has struggled to take shape at times. He's good at tossing the football.
@MSU
Prediction: L, 13-23
Record: 7-1
Recommended Beer: Crawl under your couch and pray for DG's ribs.
Michigan State is the class of the Big Ten this year. I have no faith in Connor Cook but I think the overall team strength of the Spartans and their decided schematic advantage are enough. Two years in a row in East Lansing is horseshit.
Indiana
Prediction: W, 42-31
Record: 8-1
Recommended Beer: Great Lakes Brewing Oktoberfest. Really happy Oktoberfest beers are great again this year.
Indiana has a surprising number of playmakers on their squad this year. Look for Tevin Wynn to have a huge game out of the backfield for the Hoosiers. This could be a pretty key game for one Peppers, Jabrill.
@NWestern
Prediction: W, 27-13
Record: 9-1
Recommended Beer: Northwestern's home to Half Acre, so go get an Over Ale. Fall beer! Nothing better!
Remember this one last year? I won't. Not for a long, long time. Northwestern has underachieved the last couple of years, especially last year's collapse, but this year will be more consistent. Just not that good.
Maryland
Prediction: W, 44-14
Record: 10-1. As I said last year. Really? Really.
Recommended Beer: Maryland's got lots of good breweries too, including Flying Dog(they made a beer with Old Bay in it!), Heavy Seas, and a few others.
WR Stefon Diggs is one of the best offensive players in the conference. He's super good. But I don't know about any of the other Maryland position groups being able to match up with Michigan's talent.
@Ohio State
Prediction: W, 42-41
Record: 11-1
Recommended Beer: Take a Bourbon Barrel Ale, pour it halfway into a glass, then fill the glass with a Left Hand Nitro Stout. You're about to drink the baddest black and tan you ever did see.
OSU goes for two and misses the 2-pointer with 30 seconds left to complete the win. JT Barret has a whale of a game but DG's better on two feet. Oh, how I hate Ohio State.
"Aww, screw it. They win the championship game and the Big Ten."
Final prediction: 12-1, Rose Bowl bound.
I'm going to say the same thing again:
"Or they could drop the PSU and OSU games and finish 9-3 and play in Florida on New Years' Day, but if I predict that and they go 12-1 I look like an asshole."
>I am not an asshole
>write this 100 times, still an asshole
>be asshole who never predicts losing to Ohio State
>I'll be right someday