Know your opponent: Appalachian State Mountaineers

This saturday the Michigan Wolverines face off against Appalachian State to kick off the 2014 season. Sadly there is no way to talk about Appalachian State without addressing the 7 ton Elephant in the room. 2007 happened. We all know it happened. We all wish it didn't happen. We all prayed Dave Brandon would do the wise thing and never schedule another FCS team again. Well guess what, Appalachian State is an FBS school now and they are coming to Ann Arbor and the only way to kill our demons is to face them head on, knock em down and bury em deep. So put on your brightest maize and deepest blues and charge into battle, but first here is everything you need to know about our opponent: The Appalachian State Mountaineers.

• Appalachian State is located in Boone, North Carolina. Boone is named after Daniel Boone, a frontier explorer whose exploits led to establishment in common American football. This fact is neither relevant nor funny but it is interesting.
• Boone (the town not the explorer) has a population of 17,186. Michigan Stadium officially holds six and half times the population of Boone.
• The top three employers in Boone are Appalachian State University, Watauga County and Walmart. Yes. Walmart.
• Robby Benson was born in Boone, North Carolina and is best known for almost being Luke Skywalker and for being Beast in Beauty and the Beast. Much like Daniel Boone's relation to the city, this fact is neither relevant nor funny, but it is interesting.
• Appalachian State University has an endowment of $72.2 million. Michigan football would earn $72.2 million a year by charging each fan roughly $10.30 for football games. Michigan charges significantly more than $10.30 per fan.
• Appalachian State University has about one third of the land the University of Michigan has. This does not include the branches in Flint and Dearborn.
• The official slogan of Appalachian State University is "To be, rather than to seem." I file slogans like these under "I'm not entirely sure what it means... but it sounds good in Latin!"
• Notable Alumni include Caitlin Upton, a beauty pageant winner. You may remember her as the one who said that many people cannot find the United States on a map because "people out there in our nation don't have maps"
• Notable Alumni also include Detroit Lions punter Sam Martin. Martin has actually proved to be an above average NFL Punter, however his short punt did cost the Lions a game against Cincinnati last season.
• Notable Alumni include Everett Withers, the head coach of James Madison University. Yet before his current post he was the defensive coordinator for the 2012 and 2013 Ohio Buckeyes. Remember how Michigan scored 0 points in the second half against Ohio two years ago? Thanks Appalachian State.
• The official mascot of the Appalachian State Football Team is Yosef. The term "Yosef" is apparently mountain speak for "Yourself." The idea being that if you are a fan or alumni of Appalachian State you are a Yosef.
• Appalachian State is entering its first year as an FBS team as a new member of the Sun Belt. The team previously shared a division with our old friend Wofford and posted a 4-8 record in 2013.
• Appalachian State's biggest accomplishment was winning one game against an FBS opponent. Michigan has won 910 such games.