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It's Not An Excuse, It's A Fact is a new feature at MnB

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In this new weekly feature we'll take a look at the circumstances around a loss, a busted play, a poor coaching decision, or some other event that had an impact on the game.

Kevin Jairaj-US PRESSWIRE

First, I'd like to give a brief explanation for this new feature: someone at my real world job made a mistake; the offending department responded with, "It's not an excuse, Pete, it's a fact." An hourly meme was born, and I thought it would be fun to bring it to Maize n Brew. It can be used in any situation. For example,

Me: Hey, Matt Wile, you missed an easy field goal, WTF?

Matt: Well, Pete, it was pretty windy down on the field today. It's not an excuse, it's a fact.

Since this is something new, the format may change, but let's get on with it.

It's not an excuse, it's a fact...Saturday was actually pretty darn good!

Kind of an odd start to the new feature, right? We all knew that the OL was going to be questionable, but they actually performed admirably. Devin Funchess proved that he is favored by all of the gods on Olympus, and I don't recall the last time I saw Michigan running backs do the things Derrick Green and De'Veon Smith did. All in all, it was a good day. But, as Zach said, "I'm sure we can find something to complain about. We are Michigan fans, after all." Good point.

So although this doesn't exactly fit what this feature is supposed to be (at least for this week), let's air some Michigan Complaints (today's complaints are tongue-in-cheek, so don't get your undies in a bunch):

  • Could De'Veon Smith and Derrick Green run any slower in the open field? I mean, these guys should have scored easily on those big runs, right? Getting caught from behind by Appalachian State is unacceptable. Plus, scoring quicker in those spots would have meant more 3-and-outs for the Mountaineers, thus creating even more scoring opportunities for the Michigan offense. This score should have been 66-0. Getting caught from behind is not an excuse for fewer points being scored, it's a fact.
  • Devin Funchess should have scored more. Seven catches. Only three touchdowns. Less than 100 yards. Whatever. That's four wasted opportunities. See? If Green and Smith would have scored on those runs, Funchess could have caught two more scores on the extra possessions. It's a fact.
  • What about this penalty on that App State punt? You can't jump over the "shield"? If one guy has the ability to leap tall defenders in a single bound, then more power to him. They don't call it illegal when a receiver or RB jumps over a defender in the open field, do they? No. No they don't. It goes on SportsCenter and is a #SportsCenterTop10. Stupid rule. It's not an excuse that the rule is stupid, it's a fact that it's stupid. It's also a fact that you can't jump over people because you are a better athlete. Rules don't like better athletes.
  • Shane Morris threw an interception. Come on, Shane, some people think you're supposed to be the starter or something. Now we're stuck with Devin Gardner because you can't complete a pass. It's a fact.

Alright, that's enough of that. Next week we'll look at something legitimate that happened during the upcoming Notre Dame game. Something is bound to fall apart with this team sooner or later, right? It's not an excuse for a seven win season, it's a fact.

(Ed. Note from Zach: WHY U NO FORCE TURNOVERS, DEFENSE? DO U NOT LIKE THE BALL?

Yeah, that's about it from me.  That game was purdy nice.)