Before we get to the meat of this week's YFD - I want to tip MnB's collective cap in the direction of one Stephen Orr Spurrier, now of Miami Beach, Florida. I'm not sure what I can say beyond what Spencer and Brian and countless others have said other than - Steve's been a fixture on my fall Saturdays for as long as I can remember. Even when he went up to the NFL for a hot minute, there was always the sense that he'd be back someday, doing what he does best- tweaking his rivals overtly and subtly, pulling rivalry wins out of his ass (he's 3-1 against Saban! with South Carolina!), and creating hilarious golf course gifs.
He's spawned one of my favorite weekly features at SBN, Spencer's fantastic HATIN-ASS SPURRIER, because, well, he's a hatin-ass man. But from everyone I've talked to, he's a good one - one of the old school gentlemen that are dying out in this business. They're few and far between now, and maybe someday we'll have a new class of them when Harbaugh and Meyer and Dantonio and so on grow up and mellow out (they never will, but whatever). Spurrier won a Heisman and a national championship and in all accounts had a damn good time doing so. And he'll have a damn good time doing whatever he does next. But college football is worse off without him. Thanks for the memories, HBC.
Onto more pertinent matters in the Mitten. I hear some doofus spraypainted Magic with a block M or something and now MSU's all in a tizzy. This is a cyclical thing. We guard the Diag and the Rock (which they got a year or two ago,btw) and they guard their shit. Now i"m hearing from all corners of the internet that STATE WILL BE MOTIVATED AND OH YOU DONE F'ED UP NOW. Come on. They'll find something to get pissed off about. So will Michigan. So will Twitter. Whatever. It's just noise. Talk to us at 3:30 tomorrow.
So let's talk about why you're really here - you need to know how to drink tomorrow. Don't worry. Put all the stuff you just read out of your mind. We're here for you.
This week, our MnB staff lovingly curated the PERFECT way for you to mourn Spurrier's departure from football, ignore all the trolling on both sides, and deal with how unbelievably nervous you are right now.
We're of course talking about the most mature, adult coping mechanism possible: a drinking game.
Shockingly, YFD is quite close with a lot of folks that wear green, and we've learned a great deal from our Spartan brethren, particularly in the world of beer. They're good folks, salt of the earth. So Alex K and I decided to make a game for all you game-watchers out there. Here's what we came up with:
Your Official 2015 Michigan-Michigan State Drinking Game
We've got three sets of rules for you here. If you're a Michigan fan, follow the Michigan rules. If you're a State fan, follow the state rules. And everyone follows the general rules. Fair enough? Fair enough.
EVERYONE DRINKS IF:
- Stadium noise is mentioned - finish your drinks if "It isn't that loud" in some form is said
- Brady Hoke OR John L. Smith is mentioned at any point in the brodcast. Each member in the room must finish their can of beer. Once consumed, one participant must stack all the empty beers atop one another, knock them down, and repeat the process. Upon the re-stacking of each beer can, one must pronounce "I'm better at rebuilding than Brady Hoke or John L. Smith" until all cans are fitted. Note: if you're using bottles, it's just gonna take you longer.
- the word "physical" is used in any way, shape, or form
- The words "Utah" or "Oregon" are mentioned at all
- "Control their own destiny" or something saying the winner has to beat OSU
- Any sibling-related word is used. Particularly if a size-related adjective is used before it - just brainstorming here, but like, big, or little
- The all-time series record is shown
STATE FANS DRINK IF:
- Connor Cook looks dazed or misses a wide open receiver
- ESPN runs a graphic showing MSU injuries (finish your drinks)
- "chip on the shoulder" is mentioned
- The loss of Pat Narduzzi is discussed at all
- "troubles in 2015" is used to describe a 6-0 start
- "consecutive games scoring 24+ points"
- "Braylon Edwards"
- The crowd number is mentioned
MICHIGAN FANS DRINK IF:
- the spike at Spartan Stadium last year is mentioned
- Jake Rudock turns it over (finish your drink)
- Magic Johnson's name is brought up
- "Game Manager" is used for Jake Rudock (double drink AND: also write 3 nice things that you like about Jake on loose-leaf. Because there's nothing worse than calling a quarterback a game manager. Might as well tell him to his face that he's garbage and would never make your fantasy team. Why don't you just tell every unattractive human that they have stellar personalities? We'll collect each excerpt about why we love Jake and send them to him for after the game.!)
- Jehu Chesson's speed is described as "track" or "sprinter"
- 3 straight shutouts is mentioned
- Harbaugh throws a tantrum (finish your drink if the hat is involved)
- Jake Butt is called an "Athlete"
- "Harbaugh likes to use his tight ends" is mentioned
- Chesson's kick return is mentioned in its historical context - first since '92
But what should I drink?
Here's the big problem with drinking games. If you follow them to the letter, you're either going to die or make stupid decisions and then die. So half the battle here is knowing how much fun to have. Obviously, you have to do what we tell you to do, so I'd start with a sessionable beer and stay on that train for a little while. Alex recommends the Sam Adams Rebel IPA or Dogfish 60, which is an excellent choice if you like IPAs but maybe a little too much for a prolonged drinking game. So give Go To IPA a try. I almost said Enjoy By (which is delicious) but it's 9.4% and that's bad news for y'all.
If like me you aren't as into the hoppy fellas, I humbly recommend one of this year's finest Oktoberfest offerings, Leinenkugel's Oktoberfest. You may say, what, they only do shandies, and you're a doofus. They make a mean Oktoberfest. I was skeptical too, but then Papa Dave turned me onto this marzen and what do you expect from Wisconsinites? They can make good German beer. Get it for the next two weeks before it's gone, because it's even better than Sam's usually solid (and solid this year) seasonal of the same name.
Go forth and drink, friends. Good luck keeping up with the game -and the game. Until next time, Cheers, Michigan Faithful!