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YFD Picks Up A Hurricane

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Ever wonder how best to make that first move to talk to that special someone? Especially if their Tinder profile makes them look a little blurry, looks like the camera was wet, and could violently twist and turn at any minute? We've got you covered.

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Online dating seems to be all the rage these days. Tinder, Huddr, Grindr, Smoochr, BUMBLR, Tumblr, 911, all apps where you can go flip through pictures and pick your perfect mate for three hours of boozin' and... things.

But we've all been there. You know, where you show up at your date and the 6'5 Adonis with a six-pack is actually a 4'11 man NAMED Adonis carring a 30-pack in his gut. Or that girl next door is actually the girl next door (with four beautiful baby girls she wants you to father). Point being, it's a jungle out there, and you can hardly be expected to take what people put out there at face value. Except here, because YFD won't letcha down.

Take this fine stallion, for instance. (thanks, FiveThirtyEight!)

First, we thought he'd be all up in there, but like every other man, he left us hanging.

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Then, he got real clingy. Straight up dangled us around his big-ass finger like we were nothing more than fools on a string.

Then he just straight up told us to take him back, he's a changed man:

"There's no guarantee" is the only thing about this damn hurricane that makes any sense to me. He's up and he's down. He's wrong when it's rigiht. He's black when it's white. And so on, and so forth.

But we love him anyway, because he's truly a Renaissance Hurricane, which leaves us with the question - What do you say to the hurricane who has everything?

Well, listen up. You can call me Doppler, because I've been Joaquin you all week.

YOUR BEER OF THE WEEK:

It's rough out there. Apparently the game time got moved, but I don't know if that's true because I neither have Internet nor power from where I'm hunkered down (inside an exact replica of NORAD in my friend Jerry's basement in Omaha). (Thanks, MnB, for posting this via, uh, text message). So you need a beer you can drink in any situation. Well, if you're buried under a squall (hey, Geraldo!)

or just chillin', we gotcha. It's logical to assume that Joaquin will literally destroy the entire eastern half of the country, so all that's left are the stunning beaches of Nebraska and the salacious hellhole that is the West Coast. Keep your Cascade hops, kids, because this week's Beer of the Week is Nebraska Brewing's Brunette Nut Brown. It's the perfect antidote to a hurricane because it's sessionable at 4.7% (definition: you literally cannot get drunk from this beer unless you get drunk from it) and it isn't dark in the slightest. It's got a full-bodied toffee nut taste to it, kind of like a Newcastle, but without that tinny empty taste Noggie has - though it should be noted we love Newcastle at MnB. It finishes with almost a little fruity aftertaste, though it's a true Nut Brown and doesn't have a whiff of fructose anywhere near it, thank you very much.

YFD also heartily recommends a Dark and Stormy, because obviously.

Until next week, Cheers, Michigan Faithful!