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College Football Fan Questionnaire

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1. Grab hold of your fanhood. 2. Lock that son of a gun in a safe. 3. Have as much fun as possible.

Rick Osentoski-USA TODAY Sports

Who says bye weeks can't be entertaining?

While the Wolverines enjoy a week off from dejection and grievance, it calls for a time to lighten the mood and shift our minds to something other than last weekend.

Admit it, whether you're slinging suds at the local speakeasy and swappin' spiels with your cohorts, or killing time before Saturday's slate kicks off, you've delved into 'what if' questions.

Here's my college football fan questionnaire, where you can summon your inner pigskin junkie and dabble in some shenanigans. I also gave my answers, but below you can find the exact outline to submit your answers.

One Stadium You’d Hate to Play in as Visitors- Death Valley (Clemson)

I heard there’s an Interstellar 2 coming out, and this time, people stumble into Death Valley. Road teams think they’re actually only there for three hours, yet come to find out that it’s year 3021 once the final horn sounds. Just multiple years off your life. Once I saw Clemson running down the hill, I’d be like, "ha nope, I think I’m good." Turn it in. Hang up the spikes right there. That was a fun season, guys. I’m sure I can lat pulldown more than anyone on the Clemson team right now and still, I’d just set up camp on the bus and play Angry Birds.

Coach You’d Most Like to Play For-  Kliff Kingsbury (Texas Tech)

Just imagine a night on the town with K-twice: setting up shop at a local dive cloaked in Red Raiders pullovers, American Crew hair gel keeping the hair all tidy and shipshape. Chit chat, I assume, would be along the lines of this:

Kliff: "You see that girl over there, Alex? Brunette, black heels, flower-petal sundress?"

Me: *Sifting my eyes around all the fraternity bros ordering shots of Fireball* "Yeah, what about her?"

Kliff: *Takes a healthy swig of his LadyBank Single Malt whiskey, sits back in his chair, and folds his hands together behinds his head* "Yep."

Me: "Noooo…Kliff, you dog!"

Kliff: "Let me tell you, young gun, *makes pistols with both hands, shoots them, blows imaginary smoke off his fingertips* ‘bout as easy as Iowa State’s defense."

Me: "Wow, Kliff, I wish you were my dad. Let me buy you a drink just for being awesome."

Kliff: "Alex, please" *whips out his contract, which he keeps on him at all times* "it’s on me tonight" *literally pays with his contract*

Best Fight Song- Hail to the Victors (Michigan)

Find a better all-around banger, I sincerely wish you could. Celebrating a Jehu Chesson touchdown? Hail to the Victors.

Rocking your little whipper snapper to slumber? Hail to the Victors.

Creating a Christmas playlist for when your deranged family members from out of town visit? H2TV.

Cheerleading discography? Hale de la Victores.

Hell, you want to step up to the dish and pretty much tell the pitcher you’re about to hit a 470-foot bell ringer to left center? I HAVE A SONG FOR THAT.

Notre Dame is a close second but I’m not choosing any program that nurtured Tommy Rees.

Best Traditional Jerseys- Texas Longhorns

I’m not talking about the gaudy apparel that would put runway models to shame. None of the 193 Oregon jersey combinations. For me, it’s the Texas Longhorns. All white jerseys, pants, cleats, and socks, and that filthy burnt orange Longhorn plated on the crown. Home jerseys just as dazzling with the burnt orange tops.

Most Fun Offense to Play In- Baylor Bears

I’ll be honest, I’m disappointed that I have to intertwine with Baylor offensive coordinator Kendal Briles because frankly I feel he’s the guy that shows up to all the students’ parties and keeps track of his beer pong record throughout the night. But how can you not? One-man routes? Please. Check the receivers at the top of the video lollygag as Russell hits KD Cannon on a vertical.

(vine by Smart Football)

I like to think that Seth Russell makes up routes and directs his receivers by using his finger to draw 'em up on the pigskin. You know, like how we did in the good 'ole days. I miss recess.

All Everything/Nothing Fantasy Team

And by this I’m talking about the guys that showcased some of the best college careers but never splashed or even shattered the NFL plateau. Here’s my first and second team (last decade):

QB: Taylor Martinez (Nebraska, 2009-2013)

RB: Steve Slaton (West Virginia, 2005-2007)

WR: Malcolm Kelly (Oklahoma, 2005-2007)

WR: Shay Hodge (Ole Miss, 2006-2009)

WR: Sammy Stroughter (Oregon State, 2005-2009)

UTIL: Eric Page (Toledo, 2009-2011)

QB: Graham Harrell (Texas Tech, 2005-2008)

RB: Ian Johnson (Boise State, 2005-2008)

WR: Mardy Gilyard (Cincinnati, 2007-2009)

WR: Ryan Swope (Texas A&M, 2009-2012)

WR: Dezmon Briscoe (Kansas, 2007-2009)

UTIL: Noel Devine (West Virginia, 2007-2010)

Feel free to participate with this one. Just simply cut and paste the module into the comments section and give us your take!

One Stadium You’d Hate to Play in as Visitors

Coach You’d Most Like to Play For

Best Fight Song

Best Traditional Jerseys

Most Fun Offense to Play In

All Everything/Nothing Fantasy Team

QB

RB

WR

WR

WR

UTIL