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The 2015 Visit From Saint Footballis

Our traditional ode to the start of the season, Twas the Day before Football Christmas!

It's FOOTBALL SEASON!
It's FOOTBALL SEASON!
Scott Olmos-USA TODAY Sports

A tradition unlike any other....

A Visit From St. College Footballis

Twas the night before football finally! It's here!
Time for grilling of meats and drinking of beer.
Tell your spouse and your family to cut out that chatter
Now that football is here, nothing else matters

70 inches of screen, for six months it stays on.
Try to change the channel, your life won't be long.
Speaking of which, it's time for Gameday!
Where's Herbie? Where's Dez? Oh what will they say?

There's Rece, he looks drunk, there a smile on his face
"The season is HERE, it'll be quite a race!"
"The Bucks are our favorite, they'll be as good as they wanna,
"That is if their players can keep from smoking the ganja!"

Another off season has come, and away it has gone
There were scandals galore so we're singing this song
We'll get to the season, you won't have to wait,
But let's recap our summer, and its interesting state.

There were hirings and firings and a drunk Stevie Sark,
And a Minnesota AD, who went all HBO "After Dark".
He was overly friendly and quick with his wit
But it's a no-no to send staff those pix of your dick.

P. Diddy Combs thought a coach fight made sense
When angered his son spent too much time on the bench.
Not the brightest idea, this fight made me laugh,
Don't take a swing at UCLA's strength and conditioning staff.

Fighting coaches is tough, but getting info is worse
Ask them "Who's starting?", their answer you'll curse.
But not all coaches refuse, some are good for a quote
You'll just have to swim through the Media Days moat

Spurrier at Arby's, there's something exotic,
Ole Bret thinks beating Texas is "Borderline Erotic."
To coaches be warned when there's a bottle about,
Ole Sark is still fishing his foot from his mouth.

There are new coaches galore in high profile jobs,
And still more cashing checks while polishing their knobs.
Florida and Michigan fired underachievers,
With new head men aboard their fans are believers.

Still, it's not at all easy for Florida to rest,
Cause Muschamp's now a DC in the SEC West.
Michigan and Hoke amicably parted ways
The Wolverines got Harbaugh, Hoke got pizza filled days.

If there's one canning this summer that stands out from the rest,
It's the firing of Tim Beckmann, oh man that's the best.
Play hurt, no medical, that man had no soul
Good bye and good riddance you festering a-hole.

But enough of the past, you're here for the season
For the hitting and running that gives your life reason.
We start it all off in North Carolina
With the TarHeels and 'Cocks, could it be any finah?

The fall it has come, there's a chill in the air.
There's rushing, and passing, and catches made fair.
With no BCS, the playoff came through
The Buckeyes rolled Tide and Oregon too.

Now Texas! Now, Georgia! Now, Michigan and Clemson!
On Sconnie! On, Utah! On Temple, and Houston!
Bring us to our feet, make us shout make us scream
Make the best season of all be 2015.

So that's what is honey, I'm not being mean,
But we're not gonna talk till 2016.
We've waited all summer, read pay sites and blogs,
This season's the year, we right all the wrongs.

Now everyone's tied, nothin and nothin.
Every team's got a hope this year will be somethin.
The Tar Heels and 'Cocks kick off our year,
Tomorrow at 5, I'll be drinking cold beer.

Today rest well, your stamina you will need,
Your hunger for College Football, tonight it will feed.
As I look to the tube, I see Herb in my sight,
"College Football for all, and for all a good-night!"