Michigan's Hilarious Sign-Stealing Saga


A few years back, I had a candid conversation with a former NCAA enforcement officer, reflecting on their career now that it was behind them. Disillusioned by years of bureaucratic inefficiency, they distilled the essence of their job in a way I'll never forget: "We don't catch the good cheaters. That's practically impossible with the system in place. Most of them are quite adept at cheating. We catch the bad ones, the inept ones, and even that's a challenging task."

Michigan is on the brink of being exposed for sign-stealing, and it's a case of cheating so absurdly bad that it's comical.

As of the time of this writing, evidence of Michigan football's poorly executed and laughably unhidden national sign-stealing operation continues to emerge. The accused orchestrator of this operation, Connor Stalions, reportedly used the public setting on his Venmo account to pay a network of sideline recorders—a move even small-time drug dealers would find reckless. Stalions is also said to have purchased tickets to at least 12 other Big Ten schools using his own accounts, including Ohio State's game against Penn State last weekend. Additionally, there's a video that seems to show Stalions standing alongside Michigan's defensive coordinator during the Ohio State game last year. The absurdity doesn't end there; a Tennessee message board actually captured the entire plot in action ten months ago, but it went unnoticed, unbelieved, and unheeded. Entertainment Around Town