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Week 5 Big Ten Picks: Wolverines Open as Double-Digit Favorites

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In this week's rendition of Big Ten picks, we take a shot at Christian Hackenberg, redeem our Draft Kings promo codes, and predict how Ohio State will ultimately screw us come Saturday afternoon

Rick Osentoski-USA TODAY Sports

Hey, good job all around.

Not only do the flamboyant yellow stickers get distributed to nearly anyone with a roster slot after Saturday's drubbing of BYU but I, for one, will take one as well and hang that bad boy on the fridge due to my adequate performance of lacerating those pesky oddsmakers.

WE DIDN'T GET BACKDOOR'D LAST WEEK!

Week 4 Results

Michigan-BYU Over 45-L

Bowling Green-Purdue 1H Under 38-W

Hawaii Team Total Under 14-W

Penn State -9.5-W

Ohio State -31-L

Michigan State -26.5-L

Minnesota -9.5-L

Southern Miss +26.5-W

Indiana-Wake Forest Over 54.5-W

Illinois-Middle Tennessee Under 60-W

Ball State +18.5-W

Iowa-North Texas Over 51-W

West Virginia -17-W

Rutgers -12.5-W

Big Ten Picks Record: 31-22

Army at Penn State

Line: TBD

A good ole clash between the Service Academies and the Big Ten breezes in to kick off Saturday morning festivities and I love it. One of the nation's prominent rushing attacks steps toe-to-toe with one of the better defenses and apparently the greatest quarterback that's ever strapped on a pair of Nike Sharks.

FUN FACT: did you know that Christian Hackenberg is already the best quarterback in the NFL? It's true. If you dabble in FanDuel or DraftKings, he's actually a part of every NFL slate. Mel Kiper and Todd McShay actually have to work around their schedules because they dedicate a slot to painting a Hackenberg mural every afternoon following brunch.

Give me the under in this one. All it takes is a lone 15-play, 70-yard, 9-minute drive for Army that results in a missed field goal because #collegekickers and this one stays beneath the total. Add to that a prototypical 12 for 21 passing clip with 86 yards and two interceptions for Hackenberg and this one could be a bore. Use promo code "Nittany" and we'll match up to $56,000 in bonuses.

Pick: Penn State-Army Under (TBD)

Purdue at Michigan State

Line: Michigan State -22.5, 58

Different week, same result. And by this, I'm referring to laying the chalk with Sparty, and ultimately wallowing in a corner with a fifth of Sailor Jerry. If you dubbed me as a Captain Morgan guy then kick rocks.

Sparty, gripping onto an unmarred manuscript thus far in 2015, has yet to really have that complete game. Head coach Mark D'antonio and his opening Big Ten opponent hav averaged just 34.8 points per contest combined the previous four seasons. The Boilermakers were stunned at home in the waning moments versus Bowling Green and now reluctantly tend to the opening purge in East Lansing.

"Good luck"- weird guy from Taken

Pick: Purdue-Michigan State Under 58

Iowa at Wisconsin

Line: Wisconsin -6.5, 47.5

Chryst vs. Ferentz. Wisconsin-Iowa. Badgers and Hawkeyes. I can't lie, I'm partially stumped.

Wisconsin appeared rather sluggish in its victory over Hawai'i while Iowa escorted the North Texas Mean Green into the woodshed by notching 62--yes, 62--points at Kinnick.

No Clement for Wisco but its tagged as the first real threat for Iowa, so I'll fade Ferentz. Chryst has died, Chryst has risen, Chryst will cover that 6.5.

Pick: Wisconsin -6.5

Minnesota at Northwestern

Line: Northwestern -5, 40

I'm so out on Minnesota that it'll merely gain a chuckle from these angelic vocal chords. The Gophers look brutal offensively and have let a trio of mid-majors hang with them, so they're seemingly lucky to pocket three wins so far in '15; they'll will match up with the Fighting Fitzgeralds as the Wildcats look to climb the ranks in the AP Top 25.

Minny head coach Jerry Kill has swaddled the 'Cats in endless covers since taking over and I like the Gophers to prance into Evanston and give NW its first loss of the year.

Pick: Minnesota +5

Nebraska at Illinois

Line: Nebraska -7, 57

Two deceiving clubs in Champaign rendezvous in what will either be a 14-13 finish or 49-45 barn burner; nothing in between. One of the more "square" picks for Saturday, but serve me the latter on a nice golden platter (rhyme time, drink).

Pick: Nebraska-Illinois Over 57

Ohio State at Indiana

Line: Ohio State -21, 64.5

Great, let's ponder all the ways Ohio State can screw with my cranium this weekend. Urban Meyer is 6-1 to the over his last seven road games in conference and since Halloween is nearing, what a way to ring in the holiday then to watch the horror story that is Indiana's defense.

Pick: Ohio State-Indiana Over 64.5

Michigan at Maryland

Line: Michigan -13, Total TBD

The Terps are in total disarray and it spoke volumes to the shellacking they took versus West Virginia. Last week began the daunting gauntlet of powerhouses, and after Michigan, Maryland will see Penn State, Michigan State, Iowa, Wisconsin and Ohio State (not in order).

The Michigan defense looked unreal once more en route to a shut out versus BYU and Rudock has portrayed some mature mechanics recently, especially refraining from making errant throws.

Randy Edsall has covered seven of his last eight after a straight up loss, and there could be a bit of an overreaction following last week on both ends. I originally had the under marked down, but now I'm playing mind games with myself.

Screw it, I'll ride the under train.

Pick: Michigan-Maryland Under (44?)